tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19932779577992759932024-02-20T12:10:27.219+03:00Sophie Ngugi - A Child of the universeThe blog is my personal inspirations on the issues that are dear to me. I am passionate about the rights of women and girls to live in dignity, and transformative leadership. Desiderata inspires me, that I am a child of the universe and I Inspire others that you can Dare to Dreamsophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-30847491561475344752018-07-10T10:50:00.001+03:002018-07-10T10:50:15.481+03:00The village <br />
<br />
“A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to save them from starving. They all have food in their own homes. When we gather together in the moonlit village ground it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so.” ― Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri Light, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In
the village everyone knew everyone within several kilometers radius. </span>Everyone<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> was into everyone's business. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri Light", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />Read the full post on <a href="https://sophiangugi.com/2018/07/10/the-village/" target="_blank">my new blog</a></span>sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-33408350281641177582018-06-07T14:29:00.003+03:002018-06-07T16:51:10.343+03:00Multiple roles, one soul<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: purple;"><span lang="EN" style="background: white; font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b style="font-family: "Book Antiqua", serif; font-size: 14px;">“Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing”. Ricki Lake</b></span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span><span lang="EN" style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6dQbLaqYLGBir7JVoe7Gd-acgntyqjePYqvJqYGRKpJaFeWZ-gUyomvrvQYDlmR7EYeb8PhxpoH0UgYJSU1fMJEWDdLgBrcTSJHsiPcUNqrk8rgNtv5iRbfxm9sa6mPMb1NUnEJoZ-1g/s1600/photo+from+pixels.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1060" data-original-width="1600" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6dQbLaqYLGBir7JVoe7Gd-acgntyqjePYqvJqYGRKpJaFeWZ-gUyomvrvQYDlmR7EYeb8PhxpoH0UgYJSU1fMJEWDdLgBrcTSJHsiPcUNqrk8rgNtv5iRbfxm9sa6mPMb1NUnEJoZ-1g/s320/photo+from+pixels.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">It
was a beautiful Sunday morning. Sundays mornings are usually beautiful. Serene.
It is like the weather knows it is a Sunday and even if it rains, the day has a
sunny demeanor. May be because there is less traffic in Nairobi. Less pollution
unless you neighbor some Church with blaring noise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never understood why they do this. The
megaphones outside the Church preaching to everyone who is not interested in
the preaching. Anyway, as usual, I had plans to start the day with Sunday Mass,
but his plans…well he had different plans. I ended up spending part of the
Sunday Mass time outside the Church when my terrific two son decided there was
more interesting stuff outside. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite
the accommodating section for lactating mothers and young babies in the Church,
he was uncooperative. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">“Enough
is enough.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said …through tantrums. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">He
wanted to play, not pray. Sometimes, most times, he is more cooperative. To be
fair to him, after some rains that week, the grass was so green, alive and inviting,
sort of calling to be enjoyed. It was truly a beautiful day to be outdoors, but
the wrong timing. I resigned myself to the fate as he explored. That is where I
met this lady, fellow mom in a similar situation. We got talking as her
daughter and my son discovered the surroundings. The two children were about
the same age. Well, may be the two young ones had planned it all along! Children
really get adults talking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">Somehow
the issue of travel came up. Her profession demands travel as part of the
everyday roles. She mentioned the challenge of having to travel when her child
was about seven months old, and so stopped breastfeeding. We ended up talking
about the balancing act of being a mother and a professional when the children
are too young to understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a
shared concern for many women in particular. I started travelling when my son
was 13 months old. I had planned for it, but that did not make it easier. Sometimes
there is a sparkle in the drab.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was
an easy way for getting him off the boob. He had reduced breastfeeding and the
travel sealed it. He stopped breastfeeding and he forgot about it. For some
mothers, this is a struggle. If I was not travelling I had no idea how long he
would have breastfed as that decision was off my hands. I think he had already
had his fair share anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">As a
parent, one often has to make tough decisions around the different roles that
one plays. Travelling and leaving the family is not easy, yet this is often
required of many parents, in employment or business.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">“How
do you manage?” I often get the question.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">I do
not have an answer. Just doing what I got to do and getting a lot of support in
that. I grew up with an ever present mother who worked in the homestead. But,
my dad worked and resided in Thika, coming home over the weekends. I doubt if
anyone ever asked him how he managed being away from the family five (or
sometimes six) out of the seven days in a week. That does not mean that the men
do not necessarily find it difficult to leave the families, but the world has
accepted men as the species that work away from the home. Not so for women.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">Many
professionals have had to make decisions around various issues related to work
and their parenting role. Travelling away is a sometimes quite tough. The
anxiety of leaving one’s family, more so when there is a young child, almost
robs one the excitement of exploring a new place. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the time difference is many hours apart,
it becomes even trickier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You want to
hear the positive message when you call, “we are doing well.” That is a
standard reassuring response. Sometimes I wonder if it is rehearsed and ask
many questions to verify. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">The first
time, I travelled away from my home for work after my baby was born was
difficult. I was away for two weeks and every day felt like torture. This was
quite different before I became a parent. It was easier to stay away for
longer. This was a different experience. Despite occupying myself with the
tasks at hand, I practically counted days, every morning and every evening. I
felt like my heart was being torn apart. I kept wondering what his little mind
is telling him. Was he feeling abandoned? I ached to be back. When I arrive
back home, he was confused. He looked at me and became so emotional, tears
welled in both of our eyes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May be he
thought he was dreaming. As he gets older, his reactions are different. He will
clap and run for a hug. That is easier to manage. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">In
some situations, the work environment does not support the roles of being a
parent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some women especially face the
challenge of biased employers or supervisors or colleagues. During our earlier working
days immediately after Campus, my friend was working in a government office. In
those days maternity leave was quite short. She was expected to be in the
office from 8.00 am to 5.00PM. There was no allowance for the lactating mothers
to have more flexibility back to work. Her supervisor could understand her need
to go home earlier. In those days breast pumps were not quite known and
acceptable in Kenya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had a rough
time struggling with painful breasts every day and literally fasting to reduce
her milk production. Ironically she had so much milk. At one time her
supervisor told her to “find out how other women manage”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">While
we have gained quite some steps in getting more women to the offices, getting
the offices accommodative to women is still a struggle. Many offices are
buildings without a soul. There are also beautiful stories of how many
employers have made strides in making the working environment more humane. One
should not have to choose and feel that the multiple roles are in conflict. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN"><a href="http://sophiengugi.blogspot.co.ke/"></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
am the child of the universe, striving to leave foot prints, however faint they
seem. A step at a time. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Please leave a comment and </span></i><span lang="EN"><a href="http://sophiengugi.blogspot.co.ke/"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">subscribe</span></i></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> to future posts<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sophie Ngugi<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-80058388712048977022018-05-28T16:54:00.000+03:002018-05-28T16:54:02.653+03:00Letter to my son<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Dear son,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You are now a <b>Terrific Two!</b>
A whole two years of existence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTKOwGSjCfFk7Ej4QCRCpQAyeMjdfbd7Fkeb5YAzITy0lQ_7TM21YIiptHWd8-0cuJG9kaQApr7AqdOiYOfkBfst82wnrrtTloYDw6_yoMMgJQGavOaobv5mSLzvnamWjoVEKK0LQSqEs/s1600/IMG_5917.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTKOwGSjCfFk7Ej4QCRCpQAyeMjdfbd7Fkeb5YAzITy0lQ_7TM21YIiptHWd8-0cuJG9kaQApr7AqdOiYOfkBfst82wnrrtTloYDw6_yoMMgJQGavOaobv5mSLzvnamWjoVEKK0LQSqEs/s1600/IMG_5917.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You came into my life and
changed my world. The first fruit of my womb. Turned it in more ways than I can
imagine. It is said life begins at 40, so what a joy to start a new life at 40!
From the first minute you came into the world, you silently whispered “we are
in this together”. While I could not hold you for some time, I said a prayer
“Lord I need to bring up this boy”. I don’t know if I fell in love or grew in
love, long before I saw you. Knowing you were forming in a world I could not
see, yet the growing bump was evidence that there is a life coming up shortly!
The bump did not grow fast enough for me to get…you know those social
privileges of not queuing … I am not complaining.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We walked, we shopped, we
planned, we prayed, we played. Then you came, and life has never been the same
again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You were an energetic boy
from the word go. You fought the nurses who tried to put some sharp needle in
your little arm. I recall asking the nurses why they took too long and the
response “He was really fighting us” and I said (silently) “Yes! That is my
boy”. Sometimes you got to fight for your space. It is called claiming rights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We started the journey
together, trial and error. Me feeling clumsy and you making your demands as
need be while being cooperative. You rarely cried loudly, more like
complaining. Sometimes I had to remind people “he is crying” as your complaints
were never too loud. We tried! You never fell off from the basin in the process
of trying to take a bath or such. Eventually we figured it much better and I
feared dropping you less. We had many family and friends, many, many, people in
our lives from the word go. Friends and family who waited as you came into the
world, well, waited long before you came into the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We kept welcoming visitors into the house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A day passed, then
another, and soon we were out of hospital. A week passed. Then another week
passed. Soon we were counting a month. Then another week passed and another
month passed. Before I knew it you were one year old! We really celebrated, you
also did! You celebrated. And now before we know it, you are terrific two. With
loads of energy. Happy and playful. You are a delight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You grew day by day,
learning a new skill every day and demonstrating it. You warm my heart every
day even when I am far away working. You have brought joy in my life, my family,
my friends. You have taught me many things. You have taught me the language of
love, that even when you cannot say a word, you can communicate love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You taught me patience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You taught me
perseverance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I learnt that, there is just a little bit more energy to rise up. Like
practically! The times we had few hours of sleep. I would put my head on the
bed and just hope you are going to sleep for some hours as I had no energy
left. Then you cry, and I had a little bit more energy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we think we are done, but in the
reserve there is some more energy that we can tap into something more, that we
have. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of course with you came
the necessary visitors and employees in the house! The house manager became a
constant factor. I have stopped analyzing how many we have had, or why they had
to go. I learnt to release and let go, get a new one and start the training
afresh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">All in all, it has been
quite a journey and I look forward to many more joyous years ahead. You have a
long life ahead of you, may all your steps be filled with God’s graces. May you
find God in all things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Life will always bring
many experiences in your life, great, good, bad and awful, but no matter what
happens may you look ahead in life with a smile on your face and look back with
fondness in your heart. That laughter and smile that you have, may it never
diminish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish you endless joy in
life. I am grateful every day that you came into my world. Your smiles and
laughter are a balm to my heart. You have brought nothing but happiness into my
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What I know for sure<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Is that I will love you
all the days of my life. No matter what happens or what decisions you make in
life I will always love you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What I know for sure, Is
that there is life opening up with opportunities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Yours,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Loving mama<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Tw Cen MT",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I am the child of the universe, striving
to leave foot prints, however faint they seem. A step at a time.<br /> </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Please
leave a comment and <a href="http://sophiengugi.blogspot.co.ke/">subscribe</a>
to future posts</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Sophie
Ngugi</span></i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 148.1pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-70842793699849097302018-05-21T21:38:00.001+03:002018-05-21T21:38:41.439+03:00In a day of a social worker<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Each one of us can make a difference. Together we make change”. Barbara Mikulski</blockquote>
<br />
There are times you just bump into something (or someone) and know it was meant to be. I bumped into social work and in particular into gender and development work. There, I found my passion and my mission and my professional career path. Sometimes career path chooses you, but that is a story for another day.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEyMj_weeXVFdzak2SM1Y6hP8bc6Djfvvt8FInwvEkh3hQh6S11k3vgjy7NsTo_TlkJiW911MZhv7QoHohnlqWn4gBIFrUwLdf7r22kCMhpd7RDjdQ56CSjzXkjM8Jv-td1cWZFfJNIcM/s1600/Photo+by+Victoriano+Izquierdo+on+Unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEyMj_weeXVFdzak2SM1Y6hP8bc6Djfvvt8FInwvEkh3hQh6S11k3vgjy7NsTo_TlkJiW911MZhv7QoHohnlqWn4gBIFrUwLdf7r22kCMhpd7RDjdQ56CSjzXkjM8Jv-td1cWZFfJNIcM/s320/Photo+by+Victoriano+Izquierdo+on+Unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
One day I will document my experiences in social work, the good, the exciting, the scary, the bad, the ugly, but more so what keeps me at it. I have not imagined my life away from social work. There is something about social work that runs deep and builds me as a human being.<br />
<br />
Whether engaged in development or humanitarian kind of work, social work can never leave one the same. It challenges one to a higher level of appreciating humanity and retrospection on what life is about. When doing social work you interact with different kinds of people and lifestyles but more so different levels of poverty and need. You strive to make a change, to make an impact and wish it was easier. I recall a lesson in sociology, that social change is difficult. It does not happen overnight and sometimes one has to really look deep to find out where and if the change is happening. Social changes are not like natural science which you can observe under a microscope and put the right measures of chemicals to enable the kind of change that is anticipated in a short while. In the laboratory we could easily put chemicals together and wait for a chemical reaction, a change in color, or odor or some gas is produced. Within minutes we could see some changes.<br />
<br />
Not so with social work.<br />
<br />
Sometimes you can barely tell the change is happening and in other cases the changes are not happening as anticipated. Human beings are as complex as they are unique. Many things are at play in one’s life at any single time that it is hard to predict the changes that can happen. Other times the changes we anticipate are different from the changes that we see. We try to predict what will happen if certain activities are carried out with certain persons. We use different social formulas, evidence, cause and effect to project the changes that will happen. However we do not control the environment in which person lives in, the circumstances in her/his life that are changing every day, the people s/he interacts with, what s/he listens to and what has influenced her/his life, what s/he experienced in school what motivates them. All those are like many different moving parts that we have no control over. Other social changes happen in the process and change the whole ‘formula.’<br />
<br />
This can lead to frustration when we think that change is not happening. However, change may be happening in small ways or in different ways that we may not be able to see. Allowing the persons to actually define the changes happening in their lives is always revealing. It is humbling to know that what happened while it was not planned was most useful for those people. <br />
<br />
Imagine for example a situation where you have provided some materials for women to make items. You leave them for one or two hours waiting to come and find some finished items. You know what you have planned with the women and how the items are important for their future learning. They participated in agreeing to this project and happily received the materials to set to work. Imagine then coming back to find the materials are untouched but women are talking and laughing. You may feel frustrated. But wait a minute…the women who were gathered because of economic needs had other needs. They needed social networking. They needed friends. They needed to vent and be happy. That there is the impact, not what you planned but that is what has happened. The have found another purpose and you would not be surprised if the groups organically grow into some empowering initiatives you may never have conceived. However, there is the other aspect on accountability. Apart from the persons that are to participate in the activities, there is also accountability to whoever provided the resource; the donor. There are some measurements by which you will be measure to see if you are achieving the set targets that were put on paper!<br />
<br />
There are times that a lot of change has happened but we are looking for something else and miss out on it, or we think this may not be a big issue and down play it. Keep wondering if what we are doing matters, if we are making a different in people’s lives. Few times, we get feedback from people whose lives we have touched, but many times we will never know. Dear social worker, as long as you wake up in the morning, and do you best for the hour, for the moment, there is some change happening in people’s lives.<br />
<br />
More so, there is change happening in your life. Social work never leave anyone the same. You appreciate life more, learn more just by being in different social, political, climatic environments.<br />
There are small things I have learnt about how other people live that has left me more humbled. I recall many years back when I was visiting Makueni County, then a district. We got talking, rather my colleagues got talking and there was mention of the river we had passed. I was getting confused because I could not recall the river they were referring to. I kept seeking for clarity until a colleague laughed and said “Oh I realize the problem, Sophie does not know there are rivers that do not flow on top”. I was finding it difficult to understand how a place full of sand is called a river and people were fetching water. I was not being ignorant or arrogant, I had only seen rivers like river Kamunyu-ini that flowed on top and even when it was drying the only evidence of a river was the little water flowing on top of the red soil in Kiambu. It seems very basic until a colleague recalled that incident recently, those people who just recall the embarrassing moments. We are products of where we grew up.<br />
<br />
Some few years back post the 2017 political crisis I was engaged in some interethnic forums and on the way to one of the counties we passed through one of the team member’s home. He took us to his shamba and we were all except one lamenting how dry the land had become. The person who was silent listened and then after sometime laughed out and shook his head.<br />
<br />
“Do you people understand what it means for land to be dry?” he asked.<br />
<br />
“Of course we do, this place is rather dry “… but wait a minute! He was referring to where he comes from. There is no comparison with what we were calling dry, and he was actually wondering why we were lamenting about an otherwise fairly green land. That was a learning moment as we discussed how our upbringing and environment had shaped us and linking to inter ethnic coexistence and our often narrow views on life.<br />
<br />
That for me is one of the greatest things about social work, you learn! You experience different ways of living and this never leaves one the same. The first time I saw displaced people in dire need, I could not sleep at night. I could not imagine putting a blanket over my head while I recalled people who were living in tents with only the palm of their hands as a cover. I recall waking up in the morning to take more action and what that meant for me in the follow up discussions and even inspired me to participate in moderating inter-ethnic dialogues. It is no wonder that I found it hard to understand why the people around me were not understanding that peace was more important than maintaining the status-quo.<br />
<br />
I am rich with experience, for having interacted with so many different cultures. I grow, I am humbled, I am challenged.<br />
<br />
All in day’s work.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-62503933149408747972018-05-16T18:42:00.003+03:002018-05-16T18:51:22.875+03:00With a smile, life is beautiful<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy”. Nhat Hanh</blockquote>
<br />
She smiled. I looked up and smiled. We both smiled. We both knew that this was not just a coincidence but a meaningful smile.<br />
<br />
“You could smile more often” I had told her several months ago.<br />
<br />
I met this young woman in a guest house while travelling in a field site in Uganda. She works in the guest house and I had noted how she was acting and wondered if she knew life is too short to live with a sad face. She was far from polite but something about her pulled me towards her. I thought of her as young woman struggling with life’s challenges and wondering when the day would end, starting another day and the drudgery continued. One day after telling me in a “do-not-disturb-me” tone that what I needed was not available, I called her aside and started chit chatting with her. I reminded her that she was in the hospitality industry that required that one be hospitable to others. Don’t judge me that is close, right? Hospitality, hospitable, it rhymed and served the purpose.<br />
<br />
“In this sector, it is about how you relate with people and a smile can go a long way. Even if you tell me something is not available with a smile it makes all the difference”. I continued with my unsolicited advice.<br />
<br />
She took this seriously and started. She tried. She had some smile. Eventually it became easier and by the time my two week’s stay was over I could see a smile on her face. That is why I was truck when the previously shy and less bothered young woman saw me in the guest and came to say hi, with a smile! She looks happier. May be nothing has changed in her life, or things have become better or worse. I am certain that smile is helping her manage better. It starts from the face, but goes deep inside. It is that interruption to a scowling face, when doing some of the yoga poses and the body and mind are struggling to keep at it, and the instructor says “with your smiley happy face”, and you try to smile and the pose is done.<br />
<br />
A smile is part of how I measure impact in my work. Well, I do not write this in reports, but maybe I should.<br />
<br />
She smiled.<br />
<br />
I recall years back when I worked in a project on violence against women in a rural setting and my roles included coordinating between the community workers and any services in Nairobi that survivors were referred. I interacted with some of survivors of violence. When you work on such deep issues in the community, you see tears and sorrow every day, you must work on yourself and practice self-care in order avoid developing lethargy. Lethargy…that word, I had to use it. Lethargy.<br />
<br />
I recall the many women and children that I encountered but one in particular remained etched in my mind. She was a victim of violence for long. She was not the usual profile but was an economically able person who was the bread winner in her family. The lazy husband not only sat around in her house where he had moved into doing nothing (okay may be not nothing, but nothing constructive) but was also violent. I met her when I was organizing for her rescue to a safe house. I had gone to the field and one of the volunteers told me “Sophie you must meet this woman. If I was her I would rather be dead”.<br />
<br />
Tabasamu (not her real name) was emotionally and physically traumatized. Her children were literary under her skirts, equally traumatized. The man’s family had connections so despite reporting to the police several times no action was taken. It reached a point that the community volunteers in that area decided to take an extra step and seek higher authority at the district level. When I met Tabasamu she was wearing two dresses, with the dress on the outside worn inside. She was not aware. She was just existing not living. We took her to safe shelter and to the hospital. The medical staff were shocked at the physical trauma that were revealed in the x-rays. The program further addressed the legal aspects as she got psychological counselling while at the safe house. After six weeks she was ready to go home and the man was out of her life. I did not meet her in between the healing process but only met her about two months later when I was conducting a training in the field site near her home. I was told there was someone who needed to see me. I saw a smiling face of a woman I did not recognize and I smiled back. I like smiling! :She greeted me with recognition and I was a bit blank then I looked at her again and I was amazed to recognize a different version of the woman I had encountered. Tabasamu was now a different woman. She laughed, more than smiling, she laughed.<br />
<br />
“I know you cannot recognize me, I am now smiling” she said.<br />
<br />
I may not remember the face of that woman, but to date, that smile remains etched in my mind over ten years later. It was also a significant smile since it was my last month in that organization. Many times when encountering more and more cases of violence I had asked myself if the work I was doing was having any impact in the lives of women and girls. This was a confirmation. One smile at a time on women’s faces.<br />
<br />
This came back to my mind when talking with social workers in our Women’s Protection and Empowerment program in Uganda. I met with four groups of social workers separately and for each group I asked them what makes them feel fulfilled in their work. In each group, one or two of them said “when I see a smile on a woman’s or girl’s face, then I am happy”.<br />
<br />
A smile goes a long way. A smile says many things. A smile is not always easy to get, or to give, but with a little effort we can give a smile. We can put smiles on people’s faces and hearts. As mother Theresa said, peace begins with a smile.
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-78430793939900685942018-05-03T19:15:00.002+03:002018-05-03T19:29:25.557+03:00What did she do to deserve it? Victims’ blaming“She must be the one to blame!”<br />
<br />
That is a common judgment that is used on women and girls, over and over again. the narrative seeks to establish how the victim contributed<br />
to what happened to her.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh6jMiQ4cVxKzloRi-CMwIAjGJsi7EVXWzpAdeSOKSj3-pQugEpeh1x326AZVpY2fN-KVRwlBtnM0sEMqYWkknRxOpjgrvNrsVFwP5vmD80uM7-AmZpmhj4TNMTIUhO6oANePQxp7V6TE/s1600/consent+no.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="180" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh6jMiQ4cVxKzloRi-CMwIAjGJsi7EVXWzpAdeSOKSj3-pQugEpeh1x326AZVpY2fN-KVRwlBtnM0sEMqYWkknRxOpjgrvNrsVFwP5vmD80uM7-AmZpmhj4TNMTIUhO6oANePQxp7V6TE/s200/consent+no.jpg" width="132" /></a>In the recent past there has been several incidents of reported rape cases in Kenya involving high profile individuals or highly publicized incidents. Some are in the process of legal proceedings so I will not get into details. With social media such incidents are highly publicized and the ‘online experts’ immediately start giving ‘analytical input’ into the incidents. In one case, there was an immediate reaction on doubting if this was true and even how this was a “date gone wrong”. That caught my interest, a date is equal to saying yes to sex? In Kenya it is very hard to hear about date rapes. This is not because that does not happen but because there is an assumption that when you say yes to one thing, then it is a yes to everything else. If you did not intent to have sex, do not go out for a date?! In another incident where there is a controversial story involving conning of some members of parliament, the immediate reaction by a security officer was that the said culprit and victim had “special relationship”. These incidents demonstrate what is wrong with the general attitude around violence. A relationship with someone does not exonerate them from responsibility in the event of crime.<br />
<br />
Victim blaming is so common, it is a wonder any woman or girl comes out to report violence, especially sexual violence. Often the blame is on the victim, on what she should have done or not done to avoid violence. The onus is on the abused person to avoid, and protect self while perpetrator goes scot-free. The burden on protecting self is not only unfair but also based on the patriarchal beliefs and stereotypes where self-control is meant to be the prerogative of women. The society promotes this in different ways and the automatic response to violence is usually aimed at placing blame, mostly on the victim.<br />
<br />
Many years back, I worked in a project where a young woman was raped by her employer who was also the father of her boyfriend. I recall the discussions around the issue and we had to arrange for the young woman to be away from her home for some time to be in a safe shelter. One of her ‘crimes’ was deciding to stay away from her parent’s home and using some of her income to rent a house nearer her work place.<br />
<br />
“If she had stayed with her parents, this would not have happened.”<br />
<br />
That was part of the narrative for the blame, including from her family. However, there was also the ‘empathy’ that she was not an ‘immoral girl’ and she was a virgin. I could not figure out where this knowledge came from that her medical records became public. I will not even start on virginity testing in cases of rape which is a menace in some regions. Medicalizing an violation does not make it right. I wondered how the debate would have been if her boyfriend had raped her, would she even have reported? I watched a movie that was based on real life story of a rapist who targeted ‘girls of questionable reputation’. It took a long while for him to be apprehended because he used the moral card to threaten the victims.<br />
<br />
In the many years I have worked on issues around gender and gender based violence, it is common knowledge that rape is usually from persons known to the victim. Often the familiarity and trust is the main bait to the woman or child. It is therefore unfortunate that this prior knowledge is assumed to be consent. I like the video that explains consent like a cup of tea. If someone says they want tea then later changes their mind, or wanted the tea last week but not today, you cannot force them to have tea. It seems ridiculous that if someone even says “hmmm I am not sure if I want tea or not”, we cannot for them to make a decision or force the tea down their throat. Why then is consent difficult to understand when it is about sex and boundaries.<br />
<br />
We have a long way to go in fighting sexual violence and sexual harassment. The narrative needs to change, consciously or unconsciously we must stop the narrative that it is the woman or girl to take blame. Next time you are tempted to question someone who has been violated in whatever way, even if they were conned or lied to, ask yourself, are you victim blaming? Should you be questioning how the victim should have acted to avoid the incident or blaming the perpetrator who took advantage of whatever power they possessed.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-73010037176544700562017-06-30T10:38:00.000+03:002017-06-30T18:03:14.876+03:00My five lessons in caring for self to care for others <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: purple;">“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”―</span> </span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I got back from ten days annual leave few days back. Getting back to work after a break is a mixed feeling of being rested but anxious to catch up, and in the work I am engaged in, it is non-stop speed throughout the year. In the humanitarian work, emergencies are part of life and urgency becomes a necessity not due to lack of planning but due to the often unpredictability of our work. There are usually issues that require attention and so one has to make a conscious decision to get away, replenish and get back. If this does not, happen we get fatigue and burn out, and even get sick. I am sure many will say the same in the work they engage in whether employed or self-employed or working in the home/family. It could be more tricky for those who work in the household for their own families as it is often said “she (mostly it is she) does not work she stays at home.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Self-care is an issue I am very passionate about because of my personal experience of repercussions of burn out and listening to stories of many people in this sector. One of my favorite books in the women’s movement is by Urgent Action Fund, “What is the point of revolution if we can’t dance?” The book shares stories of women rights activists. Over a 100 women shared their experiences of stress, burn out, fatigue, working at finding a balance in life and hence a discussion on sustainability of the activists. Simply put “being able to do the work you love, and still feel happy in every part of your life”. This book comes to mind often when I think about self-care. It has a special nostalgic meaning in my life. I was excited to be participating in the 2008 Awid forum where the AUF launched the book and participants in the AWID’s 11th International Forum on Women’s Rights and Development had animated discussions around self-care. Ironically, I was at the point of complete burn out and I was pushing myself “one more day”. By the time, we left the conference in Cape Town my body had just had enough and I was put in an oxygen mask while in flight to Nairobi as I had problems breathing. When I arrived and went to hospital, the many tests revealed no sickness; the doctor asked me if I was fatigued, I was surprised. That was a momentous experience and a turning point for me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It is very easy to keep moving like a robot, working hard to ensure that work is done at both personal space and professional work. The roles that we have do not end at work but continue in the personal spaces with the multiple roles that we have. Professional life has a large contribution to our identity and sense of satisfaction. The humanitarian work that we engage in is really about saving lives. Many lives depend on our work both directly and indirectly. Emergencies are coming up every so often, one can barely keep track. There is need. Dire need in the spaces that we have under our responsibility. It is therefore understandable that often we fail to take our allocated rest days or when we do, we work as hard in other areas of our lives that the body and brain never gets time to recharge. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In my professional engagement, I have interacted with staff who keep postponing their breaks. The HR policies often put some stringent measures to ensure that people take leave or forfeit the days. Other times, I have interacted with staff who have all the good reasons why they can would take their leave days … just yet. I have interacted with women who do not think they work! They have no idea why they are so tired after all, “they do not work”. While I would not say that I have perfected this balance, or that I take my own advice all the time, I have learnt a few lessons: and I will share five key lessons below that I have learnt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Listening to my body – the body is not very good at hiding what is going on inside. I realize that many times when I have experienced severe burnout are the times that I have been too busy to pause. Listening to my body means being conscious and when I feel that not all is well, then I need to ask myself what is happening. Sometimes I may not need annual leave, but just a pause. I realize that it is not so difficult to get that if I plan for it. It may even mean more hours of sleep, physical exercise, freeing my weekends, going for a massage among other basic things. More important, take a break when you need to and recharge.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Creating time for self – this is not easy yet so critical. Creating time for self when all the demands of life are beckoning requires discipline and determination. Creating this time for self can be few minutes in the morning and evening, or taking time away from work and house. I have found myself walking to a coffee shop just to take tea and sit around a coffee shop with no company for an hour when I do not attend to anyone’s need but just sit there and unwind.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOYjP4xPEcWZG0Ukb2qRKqjbYxDDjooRpIF9kLKod_OnLTScMYePOdPMPYbYrdSVnf1aMmBw2uraiao2Yut1x18ouSStHPgx6oz9qbyBkQVFIdclet-HnHkmTH7Nc1avW5fzYEPw9IjEA/s1600/connecting+with+nature.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1247" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOYjP4xPEcWZG0Ukb2qRKqjbYxDDjooRpIF9kLKod_OnLTScMYePOdPMPYbYrdSVnf1aMmBw2uraiao2Yut1x18ouSStHPgx6oz9qbyBkQVFIdclet-HnHkmTH7Nc1avW5fzYEPw9IjEA/s320/connecting+with+nature.jpg" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">connecting with nature</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Getting away from the everyday life: the quote above by Maya Angelou challenges me. That life can go on without me, for a day, or forever. In order to be around to enjoy life more and be productive, I need to take the “day away”; otherwise, I may not be productive or may end up taking longer by default if I fall sick from burn out. I formed a habit of taking time away periodically and it is invigorating. Getting away from the usual environment even for a day makes a big difference. This does not have to be an expensive venture; then again, spending on yourself is important. I was surprised to realize the number of interesting places with great environment and connect with nature just few miles from where I live during my leave. Where possible I take time away every year to be away from the everyday hassles and bustles of life. One of the most interesting time was when I went away for a weekend to a place I had heard about that among other things had no telephone coverage. Being away from technology can be so relaxing, yet it is one of the most difficult attachments to forgo. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Exploring my (healthy) hobbies: My hobbies include reading and blogging. When I am not doing these two, it is usually a sign that I need to recharge in one way or the other, though it can also mean a desired break. Sometimes I need to blog to let out and relax. When I get very inspired or not agitated by some experiences, blogging helps. I have therefore found relaxation in blogging and reading so I create time for these hobbies. This is especially tricky for persons working in the field but it is possible. When I worked in field, I always had extra luggage since I had to get enough books to last till my next R and R. Eventually the airline staff just knew I had extra luggage (all the time)and she would just smile and give me some concession so that I didn’t pay for every extra kilogram. It was worth it. I urge persons working in the field to explore their hobbies otherwise it is very easy to work 24/7. Eventually you get a way to explore what you enjoy or get a new hobby. I developed liking for kindle because of challenges of extra luggage so I could balance between physical books and digital reading and still pursue my hobbies. There is always a way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Exercises (physical, spiritual, mental) – exercises are crucial to the well-being. I have learnt that ensuring I exercise physically, mentally and spiritually keeps me going. I note how a short walk early in the morning makes me feel energized during the day, or engaging in something that challenges me mentally this can be reflections, meditation or other ways of connecting with self whether you in religious or non-religious. Moments of silence are golden. I often look out for something to learn that is different from my every day work.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Lastly, life is never so serious … well it is serious but not so serious that we cannot dance, right? We work on difficult issues and we have a vision of a revolution where there will be justice and peace, but if that happened and we became the ‘victims’, then what is the point?</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-12318563840657639812017-06-16T22:03:00.002+03:002017-06-16T22:03:26.978+03:00Motherhood happened<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws. Barbara Kingsolver</blockquote>
<br />
It has been a while since I blogged. A lot has changed over the last two or so years. As I type this, I am feeling like I am just taking a breath and exhaling, as I am middle-way in my few days of annual leave. The past year, has been an interesting period. Pregnancy and childbirth impact on one’s life. I recall that day, over a year ago when my older sister Susan told said “you are mother!” I looked at her and the little human being who was already throwing hands around, looked around at the different sisters (sisters by blood and others acquired), the medical staff around and …I had no reaction. There was no reaction. I did not know how to react, it was overwhelming, so I whispered “this is the day the Lord has made, thank you.”<br />
<br />
The days sort of rolled by and there were interesting and challenging moments. I have learnt several lessons:<br />
<br />
<i><b>There is a space for patience in each one of us</b></i>: the virtue of patience is one that every mother needs, not just, because there is a baby but because of another important employee who also doubles as member of the family, the nanny/ domestic worker. Having a live-in house help is not easy. When I was waiting for my first live-in hose help, I was anxious, wondering what sort of a human being she would be. I had not personally interviewed her. I did not know where to start so a colleague did the groundwork for me. I later reasoned that she must be as anxious as I was. I joined what my friend termed as “firing squad” but after that, I had the confidence of interviewing house helps and demanding to see them face to face to make a decision. I vividly recall after getting home from hospital, I did not explain to her that I had some emergencies in hospital and my health was not okay, but somehow expected some instructions like “do not disturb when resting” to be easy to follow. Imagine my shock when she knocked my door for the umpteenth time to ask “which cloth did you say we use for the table between these two”. I looked at her and said silently “Lord have mercy”. I do not recall what I told her but amazing I did not shout at her. I called my friend Rahma to bring table clothes to resolve this ‘crisis’. She promptly passed by later with some supply of kitchen towels. There are many times I see myself being more patient than I would have been over a year ago. Many things are not exactly within my control and other times I realize that I have to let things pass. I have watched patiently for baby to take different steps. There was a time I could not wait for him to turn the head, and then he could turn the body, and roll over. It was quite a milestone, yippy! Then after a while, it became part of the task since from then onwards, he does not have enough patience to lie still for enough seconds for me to successfully change a diaper. Somehow, this used to make my niece Angel very excited and the advert on diaper pants has never made more sense. At one time I was looking forward to the six months ‘birthday’ to start weaning, then first tooth, then one year and wondering when will he take a step. Every day he learns and I learn. Patiently. I remind myself that there was a time he could not turn the head, when I get tempted to wonder when he will achieve a certain milestone. Patience.<br />
<br />
<b>God’s grace is sufficient</b>: I enjoy hours of sleep. May be I should say, I enjoyed hours of sleep. Throughout my pregnancy, I had good nights of sleep, enough hours of sleep every night and any other time that my work schedule and my other schedules allowed. I was quite busy for some reason! From the day before he was born and 2 days later, I did not sleep a wink. When a friend asked how I was managing, I had no idea. I said “special grace”. I could not get sleep day and night. After that, sleep became scarce, just as well since he has not slept a whole night since he was born, over a year later. That means I have not slept a whole night since he was born. I would not label him as the crying lot but he wakes up in the middle of the night, and so do I. There are other aspects, that seem quite impossible but somehow I have managed. Sometimes I feel pushed to the limit then somehow get some extra strength to do something more. The nights I have had to rush him to hospital and back home at 4.00am, and still manage to report to work. Managing as a parent with other multiple roles and as a single parent is by God’s grace. I have also seen amazing things that have happened in my life that I can only say it is by grace.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Sisterhood is global:</i></b> Many women and men have made great impact in my life over years, many have been there for me during this time but the girls have taken the trophy. During the first months of my child’s life, I received so many guests in my house I lost count. My younger sister Cate stayed in my house for two months and that made my life much easier as she commuted to work from my house and managed my house. Many times, I did not even have the energy to give instructions. That also meant my niece was around to help sing for the baby. I composed songs without realizing and my niece who I think will be a singer when she grows up, learnt the words and tune and sang back to the baby. I cannot remember most of these songs but girl, we sang! Many girl friends were there for me in different ways, reconnected with many that we had been out of touch with and enjoyed quality time with them that was very therapeutic. I got guests I could least have imagined. There is truly love flowing in the world. I got tips on different aspects and generally felt that for sure a child belongs to the community. ‘My village’ did not disappoint but surpassed expectations.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Online parenting:</i></b> yes! Online parenting. I kept wondering how people survived before internet and the village structure was no longer there to support in the everyday aspects of bringing up a baby. Many women came in handy in giving various tips and expertise advice. However, I had underestimated the wealth of information gathered from online sources. This has been so helpful and many times helped in realizing something was normal or in getting tips on how to handle some challenges. Everything is a click away.<br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>Sincerity is not enough</b></i>: Unfortunately well-meaning intentions were sometimes overbearing and I realized being sure of what you are doing and being okay with not following the rules of the book if that does not work for you is quite helpful. Every child is unique and while there are the parameters and various do’s and don’ts’s, there is a place for CIRCUMSTANCES. There are times some of these well-intentioned actions or advice could really get into my nerves. A well-meaning guest when one can barely open their own eyes from fatigue is never good news for a mother of young baby. Questions or remarks and for sure everyone has their own piece of advice. It is a time to also sift and let others things slide.<br />
<br />
Overall, it has been an amazing journey. On my baby’s first birthday, I could only whisper, “we have coexisted for a year, we can do this”. Yes, motherhood happened and the minutes to do some of the things I love became scarcer. I blogged over a year ago, and I take longer to finish a book, but I could not trade this experience for anything.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-28404960670631295372016-04-29T17:12:00.001+03:002016-04-29T17:15:45.681+03:00Just thinking loudly: 2/3 gender rule<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Why affirmative
action? (Gosh its 2016 but we still ask). So why gender affirmative action?
That has been the debate in Kenya more so in the last three days with all sorts
of “social media” experts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I had vowed not to engage on the 2/3 gender
rule debate in Kenya because some of ignorant comments are just too much for a
sane mind. When you have been working on these issues for many years sometimes
it is hard to just get why people don’t get it. And it is tiring. I will not go
to parliament let me go to the village. I will just give this example.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Some years back together with Hon Adelina Mwau and Nzungi we were working on some water project that would bring the much
needed water closer to the people. Note: In our culture who fetches water? Who
suffers when there is no water? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfzjr6b-di2YN7_Ktl71_EqIXXxUMagj-WbEFGBg0TFYGH_EqYunH8lwM3pjkQIxdW6yDT_TyoRXY_yAVZmC5S6x9qBcQLqkrQyekQrzkzQf3JqUBAibnQJJB4ttVAyxiuM29ewGGUNpI/s1600/Affirmative+action.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfzjr6b-di2YN7_Ktl71_EqIXXxUMagj-WbEFGBg0TFYGH_EqYunH8lwM3pjkQIxdW6yDT_TyoRXY_yAVZmC5S6x9qBcQLqkrQyekQrzkzQf3JqUBAibnQJJB4ttVAyxiuM29ewGGUNpI/s1600/Affirmative+action.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">We were working with the project in that
community in consultation with the leaders. (By leaders I mean the current
leaders take precedence – chief, village elders, etc etc – read male). We made
it clear that there needed to be gender representation in the committees’
membership etc. Why? Because when the water committee or other committees are
formed in the village the heads of household (read men) represent the house
while women are left taking care of whatever else in the homestead. Be honest,
that is the norm, that is what we see every day. It is what is expected. It is
what is normal, respectable etc, etc. show me a home where the man will be left
in the house and woman goes to represent the household, the village gossip will
never end. (Kukaliwa chapatti.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">While we made the information clear of
course it was not easy to get this working in the community. So we had to
INSIST. Eventually some more names were
put in as members of committee. There were not many literate women to put in
committee. (*illiteracy- historical injustice). Also It
was time to visit the community for one of the many meetings and by then we
knew we are on the same page, there has to be females and males in the meeting.
It is over ten years ago but I still remember women sitting some place aside
and men “at the table”. Culturally acceptable. No worries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">We started discussing the issues around
this. A lot had been written on the processes of the project but we had to ‘interfere’
in seeking the opinions of women. I still recall some major discrepancies
between what was written and what women wanted. For one, men had under
estimated the amount of water required in the household hence even the amount
suggested for buying was not fair. I
recall women actually laughing like “what? That for clothes, dishes, drinking,
bathing, cow…”. To cut the long story
short, a lot of issues had been assumed, the men did not do this intentionally
in fact they very much wanted their women and girls to stop going for many
kilometres to look for water. Their heart was in the right place. But they did
not know. They did not details on what water is required in the house among
other ‘minor’ details that made a big difference in the project. If the consultation
with women had not happened the project would not have served the intended
population well enough. Many women and girls would still have left the project
to go to the river miles away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">So, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">No: the playing field is not level for
women and men<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">No: women are no better leaders, individual
women and men are good or bad leaders<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">No: women need not be perfect, as we have
corrupt men in power we can have corrupt women in power, it does not make them
worse because they are women,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">No: we should not have different standards
for measuring men and women’s achievements. I am just hearing “what have
nominated women done” and I am wondering “what have elected men done?” I don’t know. I don’t know what WOMEN HAVE
DONE, but I know what Hon. Denitah is doing, what Hon. Wangari is doing (need I mentioned
they are women??) among others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">No: women will never get equal vote despite
their efforts and capability in the current cultural setting, not in many years
to come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Yes: it is hard enough for a woman to get a
leadership role in the village let alone in more public spaces. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"> YES
we need affirmative action. There are so many hurdles to women participating in
political leadership and capacity is not one of them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-44170564344198295362016-01-02T12:14:00.004+03:002016-01-02T12:14:33.710+03:00So what is really NEW?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF9iwniK1HmA_fQ_svPPTtGLtRABeoz9CXq56VUQ-hPNFCOY-TcWiobQ5YeBzNsrJqWOhJ5fac0fAkWKySoiugqyue3EVbMJ7yf1pCLB3UlcrTLUdfwWXYmqLtUet0kXC74psYuawyzIc/s1600/New+year+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF9iwniK1HmA_fQ_svPPTtGLtRABeoz9CXq56VUQ-hPNFCOY-TcWiobQ5YeBzNsrJqWOhJ5fac0fAkWKySoiugqyue3EVbMJ7yf1pCLB3UlcrTLUdfwWXYmqLtUet0kXC74psYuawyzIc/s1600/New+year+2.jpg" /></a>As we ‘jumped’ the year and bid goodbye to 2015, I kept thinking, so what is new? Yes, we are crossing to 2016, but so what, what is NEW? Or have I become a pessimist? I started seeing ‘new year’ messages as early as 20th day of December 2015. I wondered if people are more optimists or taking much for granted, I mean some people died at 11.59pm on Dec 31. I then started wondering why Christmas messages have to be tied with New Year; “Merry Christmas and a happy New year”. May be it is the optimism that one will see a new year, and the anticipation. 12 months is a long period, and hence the much hullabaloo about a new year more than a new day or a new month. I saw comments on people getting quite annoyed at ‘happy new month’ comments…may be we may as well stick with New Year! At least a year is an assurance that you will have (or celebrate) a birthday, even those born on February 29. By the way how do you count your birthday when there is no leap year?<br />
<br />
A new year is a time to look back on a year that has passed and forward to another year. We all start the year with optimism and believe that it will be a better year. Looking back in 2015, I reflect on which were my “moments” in the year for life is made of moments. It was an interesting year for me as I was back on my feet after being immobile from ankle fracture from August 2014. It really feels nice when you can wake up and go where you want at your own free will not waiting for someone to ferry you. I had never thought this as an issue, until I could no longer do it. I can only praise God for good health and the blessings that I barely notice.<br />
<br />
One of the greatest milestones I made in 2015 was to move house. Yes move house! Like move house and locality. That was a big deal for me because I hate moving! I had avoided moving houses despite several attempts where I concluded “not good enough house”. I had enough reasons to contemplate moving since mid-2014 but I needed “time”. A first I could not move since I was working in South Sudan, the neighborhood was quite safe so I comfortably left my house for three months without any incidence. “I will move when I am back in Kenya” I concluded.<br />
<br />
In October, I got a job in Kenya so now that was no longer an issue. I was back in Kenya…but still… It was a process, thinking and rethinking then waiting for a more opportune moment. At last I concluded I will move when my ankle was fully healed! My neighborhood had become congested with time and Thika road traffic was not letting up despite having persevered for 10 years (in the same house!). One day I woke up and could not leave the parking for about 45 minutes as my car had been blocked by an arrogant neighbor who did not appreciate being woken up from his beauty sleep! With recuperating ankle, just barely out of crutches public transport was not an option for me as I would have had to change vehicles and walk. That was not viable. By then I was driving with some pain so I also needed to leave house and office before traffic snarl. I was late to work. I got caught up in traffic so driving became a hard task. That day I made up my mind to move. I contacted some agency and the following day accompanied by a friend I went hunting for a house, identified one that I immediately liked, met with landlord the same evening and planed my move in a week’s time! Just like that.<br />
<br />
That experience with parking was God-sent. It catapulted me to make a decision and pursue it. I am very glad I did. There are many moments in life when I am hesitant to make a leap, to change, to make a decision to pursue a goal as uncertainty keeps me away. I end up stuck on the same spot or not reaching for higher goal. Sometimes I have had the jerking moment that throws me off balance and force me to make a decision.<br />
<br />
My desire this year is that I will jump and take a leap sooner and dare to reach out before I am thrown off the cliff to act. I pray that, this is what will be NEW for me this year. This year is definitely a very special one for me!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2eILpVxTkX1Qtf1s-0RnGndy76n_jQwZifGozjg8Sr3GbvvEHy7bS3n7wM-QjVqWgXub19f6LkDkwtvTK9seiBvrTsywnJXiaQ4rly99__HMdQorVkUnfMBISU-p-OcHSCeFqKC1qiLA/s1600/new+year.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2eILpVxTkX1Qtf1s-0RnGndy76n_jQwZifGozjg8Sr3GbvvEHy7bS3n7wM-QjVqWgXub19f6LkDkwtvTK9seiBvrTsywnJXiaQ4rly99__HMdQorVkUnfMBISU-p-OcHSCeFqKC1qiLA/s1600/new+year.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Happy 2016.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-38551067132640694762015-10-05T19:47:00.001+03:002015-10-05T20:24:55.559+03:00 40 days of positive affirmations <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b> <span style="color: magenta;"> <i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: large; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The universe is alert
and abundant – Sophie Ngugi</span></i></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The
law or reproduction and creation dictates that something produces more of the
same, a human being produces another human being while a bird creates another
bird, a lit candle lights other candles and multiply the light. We apply this
concept everywhere in different ways. Positivity breeds more positivity in life
and vice versa. Somehow many of us recognize this as ‘common knowledge’. We tell each other either to console or encourage
about being positive. Some will call it hope, having hope for better or that
having faith that all will work for better. However, this is not easy and often
than not we allow for the pessimism, nega<span style="color: magenta;">t</span>ivity to rule over and shadow our
desires and dreams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Last
week I felt inspired to work on my positivity in a more proactive ways in what
I called “40 days of positive affirmations”. I had experienced some moments of self-doubt
over the weekend and while driving to work on Monday morning I felt it is the
right time to start the week. I decided to turn the Monday morning into a ‘blissful
recharge’ more than the ‘dreaded Monday’. I asked a few friends and two friends joined
in this exciting journey for 40 days. We
did not have many rules, the main rule was to always think and journal
something positive, affirm self and others, share the focus for the day and get
in touch in case one was feeling low and in need of some positive vibes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">We
started enthusiastically and have been sharing every morning. The sharing has
been inspiring and every day that any of us three posts, once cannot help but
feel awed. So far these are the five lessons and observations from week 1.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"> 1. <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">You can do what you set
your mind to<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Staying
enthusiastic and positive in the beginning seemed like a task, a challenge but
we realized that it was easier than we had anticipated. We did not call it 40
days challenge or something related to ‘task’. We let it blend in in our daily
lives and on Day 8 we have not being short of daily focus and inspirations. We
each get a focus that is self-affirming every morning and this vibes contribute
to a more positive day. We each report on how the self-affirming day has been
and share aha moments. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"> 2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">There is always
something to be thankful for<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">There
are many authors and speakers who emphasize on being grateful and how this
contributes to more, while complaining will contribute to lack. There is so
much happening in each of our lives, and like the ‘news’ it is tempting to
always focus on the negative. I mean, you never hear how many people woke up healthy
today, how many cars or planes reached their destination until something negative
happens. On the day I woke up and
decided to journal list of what I was grateful for at the moment, I was overwhelmed
that I could not stop writing. Even in the middle of the storms, there is some
ounce of calm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"> 3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Avoid negative energies<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">We
all need a break from toxics in life. The toxics are both internal and
external, how we think and feel deep inside and also what others bring. We have
ability to control both aspects with the larger mission being controlling what
comes from inside. I became conscious how easily friends can make sweeping, judgmental
statements while others can easily pull you down to melancholy in a few
seconds. I do the same to other people and I receive the same. This week I made
conscious decision not to allow toxic attitudes to sap in while not
contributing the same to other people. I was able to the brush off these toxics
faster and concentrate on positivity. This has contributed a lot to the success
of the positive affirmations focus. Nothing much has changed in our lives, but
we all seem to experience life differently. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"> 4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Pat on the back<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">We
are brought up in a society that abhors pride and in the process everything else
that puts focus on self is seen as pride. Many will emphasize on being modest
and hence not praising oneself, wait for others to praise you. In the book
Things fall apart. Chinua Achebe uses a phrase “the lizard that jumped from the
iroko tree said he will praise himself if nobody else does”. It is not vanity
to pat yourself on the back, congratulate yourself and acknowledge your
achievements, positive characteristics if nobody else does. You are beautifully
and wonderfully created, and you do not need to look very deeply to recognize
the beauty and wonders of you. But you must look. Unfortunately the world is
not always ready to give you a pat on the back. You will make an achievement
and people will give a halfway congratulation followed by a ‘but’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"> 5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The universe is alert
and abundant<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">During
these days, I have been surprised at how much I restarted some habits that I
had struggled to rekindle for a while. It was like the universe has heard that
I am ready to recharge and so when I put out those desires out, some ways and
new energies were created. I had been procrastinating on some personal habits
that I needed to put some efforts on. There were always blocks and somehow it
never seemed right. I had many excuses to procrastinate, feeling too tired to
wake up earlier to do my personal development work and not able to fit morning
walks are some of the issues I had struggled with for some weeks and months.
Somehow during this week when I made a plan with self to revamp this, I found
the time, the schedule and the energy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I
feel new energy in dusting up my long forgotten dreams and treading on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I am
grateful to Mercy and Peninah for taking this journey with me and creating
special space of inspiration. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "Garamond","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">You
can dare to dream…again … and again. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-6495777236659188182015-08-21T13:38:00.003+03:002015-08-21T13:38:54.769+03:00Reflections: a year later by God’s grace<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
<span class="MsoIntenseEmphasis"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>“If the only prayer you said was thank you that would
be enough.” <br />
― Meister Eckhart</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";">Today is exactly a year since
I became immobilized and started a journey to recovery. The journey started in
Yei South Sudan where I was working then as shared in previous <a href="http://www.sophiengugi.blogspot.co.ke/2015/08/reflecting-on-year-that-was-he-will.html">post</a>.
By the time I arrived in Nairobi I was so exhausted that all I wanted was to go
to my house and sleep. However, my friend encouraged me to go to hospital
immediately and be sure that the first aid I had received was okay. My brother
Jose, my sister in law Patricia and niece Bakhita had come to pick me from the
airport. We proceeded to Agha Kan University hospital emergency. On arrival and
giving the brief history about what had transpired I could see the skeptical
look on the faces of the medics “this was done in South Sudan? Okay let us do
another X-ray”. After X-Rays the attending doctor could not hide his surprise.
“Well it seems they have done a pretty good job of reduction”. My non-medical
definition of reduction was the process of putting back the bones together.
That had been done at the Yei Medical centre under anesthesia before they put
back plaster and immobilized the leg from the knee.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwBugG2aWG1sq48BxZja7BqG7GUPFJg94kaa77lA79GLnkw_gEXIx-Fo1zWTjsAbiIvGifFT6fCGXWp8Eba_TigMzf3xnOs7oYNrmlDTo57IdqP_74ZB_vHzwWq6cAwjTqILc87IitqHo/s1600/Journey+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwBugG2aWG1sq48BxZja7BqG7GUPFJg94kaa77lA79GLnkw_gEXIx-Fo1zWTjsAbiIvGifFT6fCGXWp8Eba_TigMzf3xnOs7oYNrmlDTo57IdqP_74ZB_vHzwWq6cAwjTqILc87IitqHo/s320/Journey+1.jpg" width="192" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the hospital</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7oXxdntaU_ITdkFI1_rD8mzcA3CZQsM9jEwamWrwPKseT4D-4floer3EhBL7hCx-RK94slMt52thcz7xcl4O5jmYX5dYHXGjk6Zcv1Xtui60D81N3dwTijclQQjSh_qnQh1mRBNIano/s1600/Journey+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7oXxdntaU_ITdkFI1_rD8mzcA3CZQsM9jEwamWrwPKseT4D-4floer3EhBL7hCx-RK94slMt52thcz7xcl4O5jmYX5dYHXGjk6Zcv1Xtui60D81N3dwTijclQQjSh_qnQh1mRBNIano/s320/Journey+2.jpg" width="191" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I was on 2 crutches for about 3 months</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";">I understood the skepticism.
With the recovery from long period of war, getting quality medical services in
many parts of South Sudan is a challenge. I still get amazed at the level of
care I received at the Yei Medical centre. At Agha Kan the doctors confirmed
the previous diagnosis of a fracture and torn tendons. They further advised I
report back the following Monday since I would need to go through surgery. On
Monday the doctor calmly explained the process and I looked at his face and
asked him “why are you saying this so calmly, you are talking of putting screws
and metal plate in my body…” I could not understand why he was treating it like
‘normal’ but with time I started seeing it as normal. I could not comprehend
what he was really saying past the “metal and screws” so I asked him to speak
with a doctor friend on phone to explain and my friend would explain later on.
She did not do a better job “Sophie, it is like let’s say wood that has been
split so put screws to hold it together and plate to…” Okay. Doctors!! I must
admit later on looking at the x-rays the leg looked (looks) like some carpentry
work!<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSnswBcBs8Srbi5CJWxks-dRIp4p0NisUXx0kGncLyBw98ykYg7xx0kRmDm7lKG_ZN5SnXCyvW1A-bFsnM-MXdLdRlnqOC7DZ0pvS1N9U7J2VCxBjgJPbwRAbwNgoBbIXhTsCKn3Mcq-g/s1600/Journey+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSnswBcBs8Srbi5CJWxks-dRIp4p0NisUXx0kGncLyBw98ykYg7xx0kRmDm7lKG_ZN5SnXCyvW1A-bFsnM-MXdLdRlnqOC7DZ0pvS1N9U7J2VCxBjgJPbwRAbwNgoBbIXhTsCKn3Mcq-g/s320/Journey+3.jpg" width="192" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Next step: using one crutch and making steps</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">The surgery went well and I
received a lot of love from friends and families who visited me. After I was discharged
from hospital I started a long journey spending hours in bed or on the coach. </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">The day after being discharged from hospital I
woke up feeling upbeat. Finally the swelling on my lower leg had reduced and I
could now make out the toes. I took breakfast then took the medication. After a
few minutes I started feeling wheezy and called my sister in law Patricia who
was staying with me. Within a short time I was feeling faint, and out of
breath. Luckily at that particular moment, my brother Martin walked into the
house and they quickly took me to the car to go back to hospital. That is the
only moment during the whole recovery process that I felt very scared. I felt I
was dying. I was in pain and panting. The journey from Kassarani to Agha Kan
would have been too long so we rushed into the Neema Hospital for first aid and
they suspected allergy to some codeine chemical in the medication.</span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I knew I had allergic reaction to codeine but
I had not been keen on the same, neither had I realized that Betapyn tablets
had that. I was stabilized and we proceeded to Agha Kan.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";">That was a scary day spent
again in Hospital going through various tests to rule out possible causes
including blood clot and other scary possibilities. My friends Rahma, Mercy and
Antony together with my brothers and sisters camped at the hospital. They
actually made a hotel out of the room getting snacks to eat. We were a jolly
lot the hospital could have wondered if we liked that environment better. Tests
were done and monitored every hour and by evening the doctors were confident
that it was a reaction to the medication hence I was not admitted. That
experience scared me and for a while I would get occasional panic attacks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";">Back at home it was now a journey
to recovery. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";">I learnt so many lessons
during that time. I will seek share some of them in the coming week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPYtKnG2oa1Ft_H5VEUvqbfBUICJaeYRz1nkusj_Vj4jGNhBj0HKY7ivwkSglNfpbS7FUN56_NM6N0VHCdZXev8HFdsdJ9MOCwxyE63Di_uyL3uPjBfEjXw3wJNY7ULZU6YYGfdA2eRDU/s1600/2576.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="478" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPYtKnG2oa1Ft_H5VEUvqbfBUICJaeYRz1nkusj_Vj4jGNhBj0HKY7ivwkSglNfpbS7FUN56_NM6N0VHCdZXev8HFdsdJ9MOCwxyE63Di_uyL3uPjBfEjXw3wJNY7ULZU6YYGfdA2eRDU/s640/2576.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A year later, on my feet. Grateful to have learnt many lessons and appreciating the gift of life</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif";">As I celebrate one year of God’s
grace I am happy to look back and see how far I have come. I should stop asking
my surgeon during appointments when I will be discharged from the clinic…but I
am likely to ask again when I go for my appointment on Monday. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-56097020604323474982015-08-20T16:18:00.000+03:002015-08-20T16:20:36.799+03:00Reflecting on a year that was: He will make a way<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="MsoIntenseEmphasis" style="color: magenta; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>“</b></span><b><i><span style="color: #4f81bd; mso-themecolor: accent1;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God will make a way, where there seems to be no way; He works in ways
we cannot see ; He will make a way for me</span><span class="MsoIntenseEmphasis"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">” Song by Don Moen</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">The probability theory is one that we learnt in school and apply every
day. Sometimes the odds are against you. You reason out using logic and it
seems there will not be a way out. Other times small actions make a big
difference and we only realize so when looking back. When I woke up sluggishly
and only warmed the water instead of boiling it was not a thought out action.
As I shared in the last </span><a href="http://www.sophiengugi.blogspot.co.ke/2015/08/reflecting-on-year-that-was-journey-not.html"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">post</span></a><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"> I slid and fell on water. Sometimes wonder, what would have
happened if the water was boiling hot.
And I was in that pool of water, scalding? That did not happen, and I
believe in Godly interventions, and that was one of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">As I sat in the car outside the hospital in pain and wondering on
the next step I was thinking about home and my family. I was not sure how or
what to tell them. At that moment I was more worried about how they would react
and feel helpless so I postponed informing them. My friends and colleagues had
made some calls and we were trying out to see what the best way forward
is. I applaud Christine for being calm
and thinking in crisis, and from the word go it was about “where can we get an
x-ray; how do we get her to Nairobi”. The Yei Medical clinic was one place we were
assured of Xrays. The alternative private clinic was miles away and on rough
road and I was not in a position to travel further. By the time the medical
personnel arrived the pain was unbearable and the leg was swollen. I now know
that skin is elastic if it did not burst from the pressure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">I still shudder when I recall the process of being taken out of the
car, to the bed; from the bed to the Xray room; from Xray room back to bed.
That was the most painful moment of that journey. Sometimes before or after the
Xray I decided it was a high time I alerted my family and a few friends. I
called our youngest brother, Jose and gave him the task of assuring others that
I was okay. (…because I was not...). What mattered was that I was in good
caring company as my friends and colleagues tried to map the way forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">At that time there was nothing to make me think this was more than a
severe sprain on the ankle. When the X-rays were out, the doctor calmly informed
me I had some fractured bones and I then knew there was something called fibula
bone and other terminologies that did not make sense. The reduction process was done and I came to,
feeling groggy and cold. The whole leg had been immobilized but within a short
time the pain was back. By that time my
friends and colleagues had made steps and I had been booked for a flight to
Nairobi. The Eagle Air that operated from Yei to Entebbe operated on Tuesdays
and Saturdays and bookings needed to be done about two weeks prior. The day was
Thursday and but somehow I got the last seat! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">I spent that night in hospital with Christine in the next bed. That was
one of the interesting things, since there were few patients in hospital, they
did not have restrictions on guests. The following day I went back to the house
in preparation for travel on Saturday. Those two days were long and hazy. The
pain was intense and we decided I take Betapyn tablets to ease the pain since
the injections and pain killers given at the hospital seemed not to be working. I was to later find out Betapyn was not to be
in my prescriptions anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">The journey from Yei via Entebbe to Nairobi was the longest I have had.
I also got a taste of the life that people with physical impairments face. My two
wooden crutches and immobilized leg were quite conspicuous and I got some good Samaritans
wishing me well. I particular remember one lady at the Entebbe airport who encouraged
and declared “you will be on your feet young lady, you will not be confined to
that wheel chair.” Another one asked if she could pray with me. An image of a
role play that is done at the <a href="http://www.alabastron.org/Programs/home-box-1/">Alabastron</a> open day
struck me. There are many people suffering emotional wounds but since we cannot
see them, we do not empathize or help them. While I appreciated the kind
gestures and was greatly encouraged, I knew there are many other people who had
emotional pains and wished someone would speak to them, smile at them, and give
encouraging words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">My family members were waiting for me at the Nairobi at the JKIA (Jomo
Kenyatta International Airport). When they called wondering if we have landed
since it had been almost one hour after scheduled landing time, I told them “I
am in Mombasa”. They thought I was joking. And I suspect silently wondered “is
she that sick that she thinks this is Mombasa, or she went to Mombasa?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">Yes we had landed in Mombasa. The flight had been slightly delayed
in Entebbe. Ten minutes before landing the captain informed us that we were
actually going round (in circles he should have added) at Athi River as there
were debris being cleared at the run way. When we were finally cleared to land
the plane descended to the ground and just before the wheels hit the ground it
started going up. Nobody spoke. Nobody screamed. We were all silent. May be too
shocked to talk or scream. We could not see outside due to very heavy fog. The
captain later informed us that we were heading to Mombasa. The flight could not
land due to poor visibility. Neither could it attempt again as we had already
spent time in the air so low on fuel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;">With all the pain, we landed in Mombasa instead of Nairobi. But we
got back to Nairobi, and God continued making a way for me in more ways than I
can write. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-9285896031617529132015-08-19T16:31:00.004+03:002015-08-19T16:35:45.801+03:00Reflecting on a year that was: A journey not planned for<h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="MsoIntenseEmphasis"><span style="color: magenta; font-size: small;">“Sometimes you wake up.
Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly." Neil Gaiman</span></span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">“The day I shall never forget” was a common title for essays in
primary school. Usually this would entail some fictional story about some great
holiday that one had or some major scary occurrence. I wonder why I never
ventured to writing fictional novels! By the time I wrote all those great
compositions and scored high marks in English (I am not just doing the “when I
was in school” this is real…ask my teachers) I had never experienced really
momentous days. Usually it was fictional and a creative mind I did have! Since
I enjoyed reading novels at an early age, I could write many fictional stories
and enjoy the moment of being in that story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">As years go by, real life experiences become more momentum and there
are many more days “I shall never forget.” Today I woke up thinking about of a
real life occurrence that happened about one year ago. It was a Thursday
morning on August 21, 2014 and I had just gone back to Yei in South Sudan after
my R and R break 2 days before. Somehow I was feeling low and not upbeat as I
usually did after a break. I therefore snoozed off the alarm until I could do
it no longer and had to wake up and warm water for bathing. I put the kettle to
boil water for bathing but due to time I decided to go get the water before it
boiled. I was to later be grateful for this minor impromptu decision. I had put
the kettle in the sitting room so I first opened the main door. This was
something I sometimes did to allow Betty my cleaner to access the house when
she came in the morning. I then picked the warm water and to date I do not know
exactly recall what transpired after that. What I remember is that I had
knocked the kettle against the table, water spilt and I slid and fell. I saw
my ankle twist at a weird angle and pushed it back. I did not feel any pain
immediately. I was in shock. I knew I was in trouble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">The houses in the compound where I was living were far apart so even
if someone screamed at the top of their voice nobody would hear. My mind
therefore blocked any pain and went into action. I pushed myself on the floor
up to the bedroom where my phone was. I reached out and dialed the number of
Christine. She has been my friend for many years so when fate saw us in the
same place we opted to live in the same compound. She did not pick and I dialed
another number of my immediate neighbor and Kenyan friend I met in South Sudan.
Gillian picked immediately and I told her to come. By then I was in panic and
it was evident in my voice so she threw away her phone as she rushed. Pain had
started but blocked by many thoughts going and thinking what next? Where do I
get medical help?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">Gillian rushed in and luckily I had opened the door so within
seconds she was next to me “gosh what happened?” I quickly warned her not to slip in the water.
Since that moment and for many months after that I had a phobia for wet floors.
She came confused as to how to help. I could not allow her to touch the ankle
that was starting to swell and she wanted to get warm water to massage. Somehow
I knew that the injury was serious and so I told her I needed to get to
hospital. She rushed out and called Christine from her house, and within a
short time they two ladies were trying to plan way forward and get transport.
Both of them called their organization drivers and I also called the driver who
was to pick me around 8am to hasten. We were all trying to act without panic,
rather they were acting, and I could not act. In about 10 minutes we had 3
drivers and three cars and I, still on the floor and needed to get into a car.
It was not easy. The real pain commenced then. It was a hurdle trying to move
me to the car and by the time we reached the hospital the pain was so intense
that I kept asking my friends, “is this dream”. While this sounds cliché, that
moment remains one of the very few moments that I have felt I am having a bad
dream. I had never felt such intense pain in my life. How could this happen? I
was in shock and in pain. By now the leg was so swollen and I wished for a dose
of pain killers. On reaching the
hospital, there was no doctor, or nurse and somehow having had no in patient
clients the night before, the hospital was closed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">I could not believe it. How was I going to survive this pain?</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_cE6iOW-k9pJND9r6Pje5oaWnp68FADqEJOPJfHVgijgSRz2WjeiL2TPoR297ph0Km1DIuG6Wc18yfgThgGU80o4mEZYdRDTWL-bHXO4C0wkUrLb3XsIm0WHZAwBFCTak_lCoHoSQ9EI/s1600/sunrise-sunset-wallpapers-672x372.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_cE6iOW-k9pJND9r6Pje5oaWnp68FADqEJOPJfHVgijgSRz2WjeiL2TPoR297ph0Km1DIuG6Wc18yfgThgGU80o4mEZYdRDTWL-bHXO4C0wkUrLb3XsIm0WHZAwBFCTak_lCoHoSQ9EI/s320/sunrise-sunset-wallpapers-672x372.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Aparajita;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">A long journey had just begun. I did not have any idea what the
journey was going to be like, and as a therapeutic process to myself, I will be
sharing more on this experience that. I learnt many lessons, but I am not sure I
can summarize them, or mention the many people that made such a difference
during those moments.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</h1>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-65001560634020962602015-07-29T05:24:00.000+03:002015-07-29T05:25:17.414+03:00Waiting for your turn might be forever<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i>"If Rosa Parks had taken a poll before she sat down in the bus in Montgomery, she'd still be standing."- Mary Frances Berry</i></span></blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY-9SSzMmHhBejNX0_mHwsSemRIveEyZGROdrIVNHxXdu4QfBcoYMqwVF9H9UCAA6JP05uXD7hn1Cv9wHQYNVhrqtkI5pXM0p6hyphenhyphenFbXKbPnAXW-dOJksUsJu39irMKchpL9Il_1A8tpqw/s1600/waiting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY-9SSzMmHhBejNX0_mHwsSemRIveEyZGROdrIVNHxXdu4QfBcoYMqwVF9H9UCAA6JP05uXD7hn1Cv9wHQYNVhrqtkI5pXM0p6hyphenhyphenFbXKbPnAXW-dOJksUsJu39irMKchpL9Il_1A8tpqw/s320/waiting.jpg" width="219" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Few weeks ago I was conducting field
monitoring visit in one of the program sites. I was seated in the office catching
up with some work when an elderly man entered the office. He was a community
leader who I had met earlier on. We were reintroduced and he greeted me
enthusiastically. He didn’t understand English and I did not understand his
local language so we ended it with just greetings. He then went out and I
thought that was it. Shortly after he walked in again, this time not alone. He
had a young man with him and he seemed to be the one directing the young man.
He pulled a seat for the young man and there they were! Seated in front of me! He
had just called himself for a meeting…with me…without my notice. The young man
was the translator and we spent some minutes chatting. By the time he left I
was quite amused. His cultural orientation enabled him to think of meetings as
not disruptions but what he does because he wants or needs to. I may not
appreciate if everyone took up my time without prior arrangement, there is need
for planning, appointments. However, the lesson from this man stuck with me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I realize how many times I hesitate
from action as I wait for the appropriate time or opportunity. I postpone
actions that I need to take since “time is not yet ripe”. I am not even sure
the term procrastinate quite captures it, it is more of waiting for my turn
instead of jumping right in. When I think of a goal I aim for, often I will
start thinking about the pros and cons. I will wait for the right moment. I
will wait to gather more information. It seems like there is a time that will
come when it will all be “clear to go” and the lights will all be green and
voila!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">That is not necessarily the case. In
fact many times we just never think we are ready until we jump into it and
learn in the process. We make mistakes, we learn, we make corrections and we
move on. Most of the mistakes may not be obvious before you start. I can think
of many things I have postponed from starting, from doing because the time
doesn’t seem right. Eventually time goes and still they do not seem right. I am
afraid of starting, I am scared I will not do it right. Ultimately it remains
undone. In that case I never get to find out how able I was to undertake the
task. Sometimes I hesitate to ask of someone some favor, and imagine it won’t
be possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">We all get to that point when we know
something can be done, but since it doesn’t have to be done, or at least not
yet, we sit back and wait for an ‘opportune moment’. It could be an idea that
you have to do something, to start up something but you keep thinking “I am not
ready yet” only to realize someone else has started and ran with it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">You may not get permission, do it
anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-29999566468934004362015-04-15T21:57:00.001+03:002015-04-15T21:57:11.416+03:00Normal rape!<b><i>“There is nothing normal about a crime, just acceptance of abnormality” </i></b><br />
“Rape is normal in Kilifi, lawyer tells magistrate” that was the headline of a newspaper article. (See <a href="http://www.nation.co.ke/news/Kilifi-Rape-Case-Defilement-Alex-Otieno-Onyango/-/1056/2686168/-/9rrm1u/-/index.html">link</a>) I opened the link to be sure what the article was all about as what was appearing in the headlines could not make sense. According to the article, a lawyer was defending his client right to bail and justifying that rape was normal so there was no need to retain his client and refuse him bond. He verbalized that to the magistrate to the shock of all who were in the court. To hear such a comment from someone who would like to be referred to as a ‘learned friend’ is disturbing. He was expressing what he believes, rape is normal! Rape in very simple terms would be forceful sex. In this case according to the newspaper article the rapist had forced a 15 year old into his car, defiled her and then bought for her emergency pills to avoid pregnancy. A pregnancy would link him more to this girl so this ‘small’ issue needed to be taken care of ASAP; then he was on his way. Such guts! It makes one nauseated. And this lawyer thought this was normal, no big deal in this area. Did it mean he knows that rape is the norm, happens every now and then and nothing happens? Nobody raises an eyebrow?<br />
<br />
The number of times I have heard sexual and gender based violence (SGBV) justified is countless. There are many times that survivors of sexual violence for example will be judged to have contributed to the violence through their actions or lack of. There are times when the actions of the rapist are justified as having been responding to a need that the girl or woman was not able to express properly. The phrase “a woman /girl says NO when she means Yes” has been thrown around so often. Some forms of violence are justified as ‘discipline’ more so Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) where one is violated by a person who she or he is intimately involved with. Needless to say majority of survivors of different forms of SGBV are women and girls. The global statistics indicate that about 10% of survivors of SGBV are females. The prevalence may vary in different places.<br />
<br />
The acceptance of violence in its various forms is often justified as being aspect of social cultural practices hence hiding behind this. I have often in the course of my work encountered various justifications around violence that tend to isolate the impact or intention to classify if the violence is justified or not. In some instances for example, the intensity of physical violence is seen as a determinant as to whether the violence is allowed or not. Often we assume that ignorance or lack of understanding the basic human rights contributes to this attitude hence awareness creation would help. However, when such a statement comes from an individual who has studied the law, it becomes even more disturbing. The fact that individuals and sometimes larger portions of society see violence as being justified is a great disservice to women and girls in Kenya and the world. It is a disservice to women and men, girls and boys who suffered gender based violence.<br />
<br />
Seeking justice is compromised as the survivors will encounter persons with this attitude at various points of the justice system. Since 2013, a case that happened in Kenya caught attention of the world. At 16, Liz was beaten and repeatedly raped, then thrown unconscious into a pit latrine in Busia County, in Western Kenya. The local police took the law in their hands and gave their own brand of "punishment"; they ordered the assailants to cut the grass at the police station! Yes cut grass then go home. This angered many people and a global campaign <a href="http://www.avaaz.org/en/justice_for_liz_loc/">#JusticeforLiz</a> started. There was continuous pressure on this and after about two years <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/goatsandsoda/2015/04/13/398835758/after-global-protests-kenya-finally-sentences-3-men-who-raped-a-teen">finally justice</a> for Liz was achieved.<br />
<br />
While the lawyer has a role in defending his client, his comments left so much to be desired. It is a shock to many that in this era, that can be used as a justification “rape is normal”. How many people refuse to report because they fear that the crime will be treated as ‘normal’? How do we make perpetrators know that it is not normal?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-36585837430158048572014-12-08T07:46:00.002+03:002014-12-08T07:48:04.505+03:00Real men standing up<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong><em><span style="color: purple;">Men must teach each other that real men do not violate or
oppress women – and that a woman’s place is not just in the home or the field,
but in schools and offices and boardrooms. -- Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon<o:p></o:p></span></em></strong></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When conducting gender awareness
trainings, one of the sessions I enjoy is listening to people from different
cultures express what made them know they are boy or girl while growing up.
While some are hilarious, many share how an adult made them realize what they
were doing not appropriate for their gender. Habits like climbing trees were
frowned upon for girls while habits like crying were quickly condemned for boys.
Generally girls were encouraged to be submissive and obedient while boys were
encouraged to fight and prove they are strong. Many men have memories of being
made to fight off an aggressor to prove themselves. While childhood fights are
encouraged by peers, for boys it was a mark of ‘manhood’ and the boy needed to
prove that he is ‘a man’. A friend of mine shared how his dad locked him out of
the house when he was running away from an older boy and made him fight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvxn7hPZVDqq3gihytf1p8Mlb2LZsS0CPt8duU2XH8svW81wnCotYYFJ5x8m0-aszKlvHPoFtHH4ald619k3mSxcCjxBcwGeWrzxbhGgkZolDOg9TbKXuuof5cbp5b74AQbNYJU-op3QE/s1600/what+kind+of+a+man+do+you+want+to+be.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvxn7hPZVDqq3gihytf1p8Mlb2LZsS0CPt8duU2XH8svW81wnCotYYFJ5x8m0-aszKlvHPoFtHH4ald619k3mSxcCjxBcwGeWrzxbhGgkZolDOg9TbKXuuof5cbp5b74AQbNYJU-op3QE/s1600/what+kind+of+a+man+do+you+want+to+be.jpg" height="230" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is it any wonder that some of these boys
grow up believing that the only way to prove they are real ‘men’ is to exercise
power over others?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Gender based violence is generally
about exerting power over the victim. This can be done overtly or in a hidden
manner. The issue of engaging men to understand about violence and the role
they can and should play in stopping this has been discussed over many years. The
issue of men engaging on issues of violence against women is sometimes frowned
upon. I recall one gentleman involved in such projects share the kind of media
coverage they received the first time they held a national conference. The
media termed them as “men who are battered by women”. Recently during the “My
Dress My Choice” campaign against stripping and violation of women in public
some men joined in the demonstration. I remember seeing some comments on social
media taunting these men and wondering what was wrong with them or what they
were trying to prove. The involvement of men in promoting the rights of women
is often questioned in the social arena. It is seen as not being man enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The definition of ‘man’ has come to
mean power and any misuse of this power is seen to be a proof. Women and men
both contribute to the process of socializing children and end up passing these
beliefs over and over again. We are therefore the same society that can change
the talk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In younger days I used to hear a song
that was popularly sang during weddings and we sang it until I grew and started
questioning message. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">These were the words:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Now that you have been married
**(name of bride). Morning tea is going to be your role from now onwards. If
you do not do it, slap and kicks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now that you have been married ** the
task of washing clothes for your husband falls on you. If you fail to do it,
slaps and kicks”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On the wedding day, the woman was
prepared for violence and man given permission to do so if the woman ‘failed’
in those roles. Respect and obedience were emphasized from the woman to the man
and not the other way round. The only way to ensure this happened would be
through violence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In a world where about 50% are men
and the rest women, it goes without saying that each of them has an important
role in fighting gender violence. Despite any messages that are given about
women and men, the boy will always watch what men are doing and aim to copy
this. When men are seating in their social circles, they are going to influence
each other in regard to how women are treated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The message of UN Secretary-General
Ban Ki-moon</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> should be heard far and wide. Men must teach each other that
real men do not violate or oppress women – and that a woman’s place is not just
in the home or the field, but in schools and offices and boardrooms. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am glad, that real men are standing up to be counted.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-54115353584034498152014-12-03T14:49:00.000+03:002014-12-03T14:49:37.596+03:00Gifted differently: Sexuality and disability<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: magenta;">“The only disability in life is a
bad attitude” Scott Hamilton</span></b></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQ_pipOCharO5ZfisIrpC5cbNX2d6SHrhQ5OQalWeg3rYMfHezctIOUpal3gDlSgm11e3aD3t97xuat4adtdP5pnTJonTnBD6yr-DM3h9_d6aPTAycTilluWz1zJgMaRcnRiV_uipS5s/s1600/disability-+attitude.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQ_pipOCharO5ZfisIrpC5cbNX2d6SHrhQ5OQalWeg3rYMfHezctIOUpal3gDlSgm11e3aD3t97xuat4adtdP5pnTJonTnBD6yr-DM3h9_d6aPTAycTilluWz1zJgMaRcnRiV_uipS5s/s1600/disability-+attitude.jpg" height="249" width="400" /></a><span style="color: blue;">Today I remember one great lady
that I know. She was crying inconsolably, and many could barely understand what
she was saying. This was unlike her usual bubbly smiling self. She was in pain.
Eventually someone deciphered what she was crying about. We understood it then,
she had been forced to have an abortion and she was bitter about this. She is deaf;
she cannot hear or speak hence the difficulties in understanding what she was
trying to communicate. She was not born with the condition but it developed after
childhood illness hence she has never known speech. Her situation was
complicated and I could tell where her family was coming from. She had two more
children and did not have any gainful engagement. It was hard bringing up her
children. The other element of her story is that it was never clear if she had
been a willing participant or she had been raped. Apparently the perpetrator
was known but nothing had ever been done.
Or was he a perpetrator or was she a willing participant? Did her family
ever entertain the thought that she had sexual feelings and willingly had sex
with this man? What about her, did she want another baby? She was not asked. It
is evident that she loves her children to death! Touch her child and she could
kill you, and I mean this literarily as some incidence had demonstrated how far
she could go to protect her children. But this did not matter, nobody asked
her, or advised her about some safety precautions. They made a decision to
terminate her pregnancy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">What rights to persons living
with disabilities have on sexuality? ALL.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">One can never fully understand
something until you face a circumstance that is similar. You get to realize
that nobody can actually feel your pain much as they try. When I got into an
incident on August 21<sup>st</sup> this year, it led realization of just what
being incapacitated means. I fractured my ankle and from the time I first left
hospital in Yei South Sudan to the house then to Nairobi vie Entebbe I somehow
came to get a glimpse of what persons living with disabilities go through in
accessing the public utilities. While I received a lot of support from friends
and strangers during this journey, I could not help noticing how the world is
not fully set to accommodate this. I noticed how insensitive to physical
disabilities the facilities are. I noted how steep stair cases were. I recall
while waiting to board the flight in Entebbe the flight staff requested the
other passengers to wait as I and some women who had small babies boarded
first. The crowd surged forward and we sat back to wait for them to board. I
could not blame them, the flight had delayed and one gets the feeling of
arriving faster if your boarder first. I
have spent more than 3 months not able to be my normal self with support from
family and friends, yet the journey can only be travelled not imagined.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">The experience is nothing
compared to the experiences that those living with disabilities face. More so
the invisible forms of violations that are informed by the social beliefs as to
what they do or do not deserve. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO-5j9tyU2ijvK3zRWJutgjDvZNdGYlr6vn-bX3GDYqtFQobEfxyuE7UAdl_hnljIi9OrkP7kWeu5ULyCRtkv4RPun5zgqfE9lKSKHqrgZ-JqSIILc8t401Qv8YKmVRyPi-Z5mvGGGKgc/s1600/disability-+world+view+of+ability.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO-5j9tyU2ijvK3zRWJutgjDvZNdGYlr6vn-bX3GDYqtFQobEfxyuE7UAdl_hnljIi9OrkP7kWeu5ULyCRtkv4RPun5zgqfE9lKSKHqrgZ-JqSIILc8t401Qv8YKmVRyPi-Z5mvGGGKgc/s1600/disability-+world+view+of+ability.jpg" height="263" width="400" /></a><span style="color: blue;"> On this 9<sup>th</sup> Day of the 16 Days of
Activism, I remember the persons living with disability on the International
Day of the Disabled. While women world
over experience more forms of gender based violence, women living with
disability experience unique forms of violence. My Masters Degree thesis
focused on challenges that women with disabilities face in accessing sexual and
reproductive health services. This included how they are treated when they go
to hospitals when pregnant, or to access other related services. I still recall
some of the stories shared by the women. The social stigma is incomprehensible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="color: blue;">What comes to mind when you see a disabled pregnant woman?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">I asked several people that
question and most answered that the first thought was that either the woman has
been raped or she is very careless to allow pregnancy while disabled. At the
most basic level they are denied the right to sexual expression, bringing up
families etc. some shared facing physical, sexual and economic violence to various
degrees. One woman was almost having her baby exchanged in hospital and it was
only because of her assertive nature that it did not happen. She had albinism
and gave birth to a normal colored baby while another woman in the same
hospital gave birth to an albino child.
Some were left to give birth on the floor since they could not access
the bed and nobody was willing to help. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">The experiences shared were
touching and inhuman. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">On this Word Disability day, I
remember women and men who have suffered various forms of gender based violence
that has been made worse by their disability. I remember many women and even men who have
been disabled by gender based violence; the many who are denied their right to
self expression. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;">It is about our attitude, not the
other person’s ability or lack of.</span></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-52444738838881581512014-11-27T09:08:00.001+03:002014-11-27T09:22:34.365+03:00The silent 'shame'<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: magenta;"><b>“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” Elie Wiesel</b></span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">Silence and fear have been used against survivors of gender based violence. Women keep quiet because they dare not speak out and embarrass the abuser. She may be blamed for what happened. They are likely to be blamed for what happened if not suffer more violence in the process. Men on the other hand though in minority will not speak out since it is unexpected, unmanly to experience gender based violence. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmDg2mPqGVTdGmw14psxT5tQlV-OZizI-FfYLUdc7TEOjGomgDamr_oHWOd3gs9Wq5oP-rKNss4iSgZtyR4iZsbkEQA6FH8oWeAZJjFATJR55jLIaTWJJJHBWVD3oLSR8yfzSne0I1chU/s1600/dont+silence+women+experiencing+violence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmDg2mPqGVTdGmw14psxT5tQlV-OZizI-FfYLUdc7TEOjGomgDamr_oHWOd3gs9Wq5oP-rKNss4iSgZtyR4iZsbkEQA6FH8oWeAZJjFATJR55jLIaTWJJJHBWVD3oLSR8yfzSne0I1chU/s1600/dont+silence+women+experiencing+violence.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Sometimes the silence is forced by the perpetrator while other times, one just feels they have to keep silence.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">I recall an experience I had in my childhood that has remained edged in my mind. I still recall that beautiful Monday morning when I was excited to start a new phase in life. I was 7 years old, and voila, I was getting to the ‘big school’ as we referred to the primary school. I was wearing my pink dress that my auntie had bought me and it was yes a big day, rarely did I get to wear ‘Sunday on a week day. The school is few miles away so I comfortably started my walk to school. In those days it was not an issue for children to walk around the village freely. Since the beginners were not expected to be in school early, my older siblings had already gone to school.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">A certain man who was from the neighborhood was walking along the road and at a young age it was always a pleasure to see an adult for company. He started some chit-chat and I responded. In my young mind he must have been ‘a friend’ after all I had seen him say greet my mother! When we reached a junction he suggested a path that when now I think of it had less people passing through. A few meters later he started looking side by side and somehow I became alert. He entered a certain farm and asked me to follow him.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">I don’t know how but my 6th sense knew I was in trouble and I ran faster than I had ever run in my life. I don’t remember making a stop until I reached school, panting but not in tears. I was quite shocked. Even at that age I knew I had escaped something disastrous. To date, I don’t remember crying (which is unlike me). When the shock started wearing off, fear set in. I was very scared.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">I had a lot of ‘what if”, what if I had not run fast enough, what if he had grabbed me…what if. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">For some reason I never told anybody. I knew it was something ‘embarrassing’ and more so I was not sure if anyone would believe. I feared that if I mentioned then the ‘adults’ would have thought that maybe I had actually been sexually violated and I could not imagine such kind of attention. (I would not be surprised if anyone reading this believes I am being economical with the truth! Such is the quagmire with gender based violence; you are dammed if you do, damned if you don’t). My fears were confirmed when about a week later; a girl from my neighborhood was defiled by a different person. There were a lot of hushed discussions about her, and it was traumatizing for her, having to face the public curiosity. I later learnt this man was a serial rapist and he defiled a child who was a few months old. This never became a public advocacy around these but hushed discussions as he sent to jail and came out; defiled other children and the cycle continued. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">The experience was traumatizing at that age and for some strange reasons silence seemed the best option, after all ‘nothing happened’. I never spoke about it till my adulthood and this is the first time I have put down a word about it. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Why?</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;"> In gender based violence silence is the language spoken. Many women and girls, and even men and boys have faced gender based violence but chosen not to speak about it. But what are the consequences of speaking out? The blame often put on the survivor makes it not worth the effort. Questions are often raised about the survivor character where the issue turns to be more about the survivor than the perpetrator. The one assurance that a victim of silence needs before speaking out is to know that, we the society will believe her; to know that we will not look at the so ‘straight CV’ of the perpetrator to judge if she is telling the truth or not. In addition, it is good to realize that children hide when violated due to threats. They are made to keep silence and only a high level of trust will make them speak out. There are other forms of abuse like exposure and attempted sexual abuse that affect children, but it is rarely acknowledged. A child knows/ feels when they have been violated, even when they cannot explain what happened. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">As we commemorate the 16 days of activism on violence against women, I know one thing must happen; breaking the silence. As a society we can play a role in addressing this. We can make it a point to listen without judging, and support where we can</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">The shame is on the perpetrator, not the victim of the actions.</span><span style="color: purple;"> </span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-17196766864348517392014-11-25T07:52:00.001+03:002014-11-25T07:54:53.234+03:00Because they are human beings<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: magenta;"><b>Violence against women is perhaps the most shameful human rights violation, and it is perhaps the most pervasive. It knows no boundaries of geography, culture or wealth. As long as it continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace.” Kofi Annan, Former UN Secretary-General.</b></span></blockquote>
<span style="color: blue;">Today is the international day on elimination of all forms of violence against women. It also marks the beginning of the 16 days of activism against Gender Based Violence in the world. The campaigns goes for 16 days and ends on 10th December which is the international Human Rights day. This campaign aims to put a focus on violence perpetrated against women and girls. There are other days in between that are marked as well including the International Women Human Rights Defenders Day,(29th Nov,) World AIDS day (Dec 1) international Day of disabled persons (Dec 3) Montreal Massacre (Dec 6), when 14 female engineering</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2CqQZBCHH2n4YY6V94BSfCkSLAc8YahPJ2enPlRvGUkBtmftfN14RWfR7fZMtzMr9ZijLVjBkGb6dPXpYc9iCHjpgsKegZMTAHuwICGzywt8-YNvCHhMlJ2zjxRMoC557LehTCR5cHpM/s1600/women+have+right+to+live+without+violence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2CqQZBCHH2n4YY6V94BSfCkSLAc8YahPJ2enPlRvGUkBtmftfN14RWfR7fZMtzMr9ZijLVjBkGb6dPXpYc9iCHjpgsKegZMTAHuwICGzywt8-YNvCHhMlJ2zjxRMoC557LehTCR5cHpM/s1600/women+have+right+to+live+without+violence.jpg" height="320" width="226" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"> students were massacred. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">When discussing issues of violence against women, there is often a justification given usually from a relationship perspective. “Our mothers, sisters...” etc are used to put the point across. This is good as it reminds many that women are not an abstract idea but persons we relate with, in our daily lives. However this narrative often misses the most key point, that women are human beings! It is a basic as that. The discussion on “are women rights human rights” has gone on for long. Why even speak about women’s rights yet they are human? Essentially yes, there is no need to separate women rights from human rights. However in practice, women’s issues are often forgotten in the overall picture. The rights of women are often curtailed due to the social and cultural beliefs and practices which limit how much freedom women should have. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">In my view, the tragedy of gender based violence against women has not fully been appreciated. When we get some tragedy like a bombing or accident there is a lot of focus, yet so many women are violated and others die each day yet this is not treated as a global crisis.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Some figures from the United Nations website illustrate this: </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>35% of women and girls globally experience some form of physical and or sexual violence in their lifetime with up to seven in ten women facing this abuse in some countries.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It is estimated that up to 30 million girls under the age of 15 remain at risk from FGM/C, and more than 130 million girls and women have undergone the procedure worldwide.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Worldwide, more than 700 million women alive today were married as children, 250 million of whom were married before the age of 15. Girls who marry before the age of 18 are less likely to complete their education and more likely to experience domestic violence and complications in childbirth.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The costs and consequence of violence against women last for generations. (http://www.un.org/en/events/endviolenceday/ )</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">This is a global tragedy. The violence is perpetrated due to the power differences where most of the societies are patriarchal with male dominance. In majority of the cases, the perpetrators are men while women form over 80% of survivors of gender based violence. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Recently in Kenya we experienced yet again the public stripping of women in the streets. The discussions that went around that as women and a good number of supportive men mobilized against this were disheartening. The campaign “My Dress My Choice” was started since the excuse for the violence was said to be that women were wearing ‘indecent’ clothes. The discussion went from the violation to justifications with the “nudity” tag put on this. While even the constitution of Kenya recognizes the right to dress, some few men felt that this was within their mandate to regulate. That was the public debate. In none of the cases were the women walking around nude, but the perpetrators undressed them and left them nude while violating and stealing from them. However, the reality is that this was never about dressing but control, power and violence. Some of the survivors of these atrocities were interviewed. It emerged that in all cases it was ‘non-cooperation’ to other forms of violence that led to this. In one case the lady was asking for her rightful payment after selling some eggs and the man who had eaten the eggs started hurling verbal assaults. She was accosted as she tried to leave the venue. In another case the lady had refused to respond to verbal taunting and the perpetrator could not take this and it became a mob justice. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Some of the debates left one speechless wondering if women are real human beings, citizens of this country. The bottom line is that women have a right to live free of violence because they are human beings. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Violence free environment, is everyone's right.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-2841408825747933482014-06-29T19:02:00.002+03:002014-06-29T19:02:42.476+03:00Who caused the fire? I cry for Kenya<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVQPLkLxk_rUJ7LC1woKvIdP9v5ZYxxPwhLbDdjLYkWA0pAaj4KIxiLPNFmIfZLgrwi4DshtlmhuqYNdcfojxm1nrjvTusmNnOctcsQbQkcvZ0MllvmZQOovAFmkS8wxd__D8XF1_I6sQ/s1600/fire.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVQPLkLxk_rUJ7LC1woKvIdP9v5ZYxxPwhLbDdjLYkWA0pAaj4KIxiLPNFmIfZLgrwi4DshtlmhuqYNdcfojxm1nrjvTusmNnOctcsQbQkcvZ0MllvmZQOovAFmkS8wxd__D8XF1_I6sQ/s1600/fire.jpg" /></a></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:DoNotShowComments/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="371">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Today I attended Mass
service at Christ the King cathedral in Yei, South Sudan. During the prayers,
there was a special prayer for peace, and in South Sudan this is very close to
the heart of the congregants. I listened to the congregant who was leading in
the prayers as he mentioned countries in the Middle East and also in East and
Horn of Africa which are fragile. Kenya was one of them. The truth is I
expected him to mention Kenya and if he did not I would have thought ‘bad neighbor’
yet again I was still shocked…. I have been doing a course on peace building
and fragile states in the last two weeks that kept making me wonder “are we
officially conflict/post conflict country? Every time I read a reference to
Kenya I want to scream no! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A few years ago Kenya
was referred to as the “oasis of peace” in East Africa. Little did we realize the
pot had been boiling and tipped over in 2007 and our nakedness was exposed!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Sometimes I read posts
by fellow Kenyans and feel we are really doomed. I cannot even try to talk
about conflict in Africa, or in Kenya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
recall a story in primary school books “who caused the fire”. It has been many
years but I can really bits by pieces. Someone was annoyed by someone who was
annoyed by someone…and eventually one of the annoyed someones’ hit the cat that
ran and hit the candle that caused the fire. After the house got burned down
they were able to admit that “we all caused the fire”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We can start looking
back and we will realize we all caused the fire. We continue causing the fire
as we fuel our differences as hatred instead of appreciating diversity. We fuel
the fire as we think democracy is less important than who is in power. We spread
lies and hatred in words and deeds. We hide criminals in our midst and allow
violence to continue as we protect “our own”. We stop thinking as one country
and think as regions, tribes or individuals. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Kenya is such a small
country that I do not see any chance that we will ever divide into different
(viable) states hence we are together forever hence we must learn to live
together. Sometimes our ego is too huge to coexist. When we fight each other
and kill one another who will come to our rescue? Have we not learnt from (more
violent) countries the effects of violence? Doesn’t it sound ironical that the
land where several peace talks for neighboring countries have happened is now a
fragile suspicious place to be?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The government has a
great role to play, but I can bet that the worse violence that can befall Kenya
will be when we are fighting among ourselves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I cry for Kenya, the
fire is real. Do we care? Do we have what it takes to stop thinking any one
person or persons or group or tribe or region are more equal than others and
choose to building Kenya. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Do we have the will to
stop the fire? </span></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-7401155206253509792013-11-13T18:27:00.000+03:002013-11-16T12:32:45.585+03:00Our loss! Musings of a Kenyan woman<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 13.5pt;"><span style="color: blue;">Due to some technical problems
I have not been able to watch Kenya news for a while now. Sometimes this is a
good thing, some detox from news. But, I want to know what is happening in my
homeland Kenya. I saw a friend post on facebook about matrimonial property, the
50/50 sharing of matrimonial property etc. I was not sure I wanted to find out
what was happening but when a non-Kenyan colleague forwarded a BBC News update
I knew ignoring is not making it go away. So here I am reading online comments
from some of the members of parliament and wondering if it was worth it waking
up early and traversing different counties talking about ‘Gains of the proposed
constitution’ back in 2010.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;">I </span><span style="line-height: 18px;">recall</span><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;"> why I was very keen on
the constitution, because I had seen some gains for women and girls in Kenya
and wanted to protect that. One of the clauses I liked is</span></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman, serif; line-height: 13.5pt;"> 45</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 13.5pt;">(3) “Parties to a marriage are entitled to equal rights at the
time of the marriage, during the marriage and at the dissolution of the marriage”
among many others. However, day by day I see more efforts to reduce these gains
if not removing them. The current members of the legislative body have a very
unique role of ensuring that the provisions in the CoK 2010 have been put into
laws. Most recent debate saw the proposal to deleting provisions in the Matrimonial Property Bill which wanted spouses to share property
equally in case of separation r divorce. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Reading
article in the Capital FM online News left me wondering if some of these
persons are really living in this world!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">>>>“Justice and Legal
Affairs Committee chairman Hon Samuel Chepkonga said most of male MPs loved
their daughters, and whatever gifts they give the daughters on their wedding
day should not be included under matrimonial property” </span></span></blockquote>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Hon Chepkonga sir, were you
debating for your daughter or against your wife? For your wife is also someone’s
daughter, you know! On the other hand, not many daughters’ of women are as
lucky as your daughter, some of us need to feed our parents not get property from
them at marriage. On the other hand, would you have minded sharing in your wife’s
property? Does it mean the sons should also keep their pre-matrimonial property
to themselves? So both start at square zero? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">>>>>“MPs John Mbadi
(Suba) and Nicholas Gumbo (Rarieda) opposed the amendment saying “it does not
protect their daughters’ welfare in a marriage. “If it were the case of my wife
it would be very easy to deal with because I always register property with my
wife… I’m protecting my sisters, my daughters, whom I don’t know how her
husband will behave” </span></span></blockquote>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">I am wondering really, aren’t these
people hiding behind ‘daughter’ where they mean they don’t want their wives to
have equality in marriage?? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Hon Gumbo on the other hand
claimed that the laws are to protect women and men since some men sit back and
not work and hence wait to share in the woman’s property. At the face value it
seems he has a very good point, but let us define what is working. I do not
know of any women who does not work, maybe there are women who do not work and
sit around waiting for husbands to provide. I can give it 1% as guess work. The
large percentage of women work, no toil hard! But guess what, they have not a
single penny paid to them for the work. They wake up at 5.00 am, prepare
breakfast, fetch water, prepare children for school wash clothes, go to the
garden, prepare meals for family fetch fire
world and many much more. This is the unpaid labour that more women than men
are engaged in. This Kenyan woman will not have any property in her name at the
end of the day. Her contribution will remain unseen since nobody measures how
water is worth, and healthy children in ‘matrimonial property’. The man will
pursue his career and accumulate property since there is someone somewhere who
is in the house looking after the citizens of this country. Then what do we
call her “housewife”.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Some Kenyan women do work more
for a pay...but hold on; how many men have failed in getting a promotion since
they could not go to work since the domestic worker took off without notice? Or
who cannot go for important conference since they are pregnant and nursing?
Guess how far the man will go and accumulate more property in the process. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">However, my agitation is not
personal, I am in the second category, possible can also get my ‘personal
property’ that does not go into matrimonial property; but guess who loses?? My
sister in the village whose contribution remains unseen, unaccounted for. Her
work is not considered ‘work’ in fact even if you ask her she will say “I do
not work”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">>>>One Hon Lomenen
wondered: “Before you marry, you pay a lot of dowry… so many cows, and after
you pay all that, do you again share the remaining property?” </span></span></blockquote>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">There you go; the thorny bride
price question that is very jealously guarded by patriarchy to ensure
dominance. Gone is the idea of ‘appreciate’ but to paying for a human being and
guarantee some privileges over her. Either way, we lose!!!!</span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">All in all, it more of wait and see to see if the 'contribution' of the spouses will be determined in fair way as the non-monetary contributions are hard to meausre</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 7.5pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-55923035347987769082013-10-24T10:32:00.001+03:002013-10-24T10:32:16.122+03:00Rejoicing in the global Sisterhood<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: purple;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”</span></i><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">―</span></i><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey</span> </i></span></blockquote>
<br />
Last Sunday I had one of those moments that many questions linger and bother. In the process of trying to separate issues I felt down and I was not ready to share with anyone. ‘Unfortunately’ (and very fortunately) a sister of mine started chatting me and I found myself sharing a lot with her. There is something amazing about sisterhood, you know that there is this lady or these ladies whether you share blood relation to or not that you can easily share with and count on their support no matter what. That person who tells you “I am not tired of listening”
I feel I am among the lucky women since I have several such sisters!
My first experience of sisterhood is in my family, as I grew up. I recall my eldest sister, (RIP dear Jane) and how she ensured I was socialised as a young girl in work and play. While she was a disciplinarian, she also spoilt me especially in the garden where we each had a section to dig. This was one task that made me wish I can go to ‘child labour activists’. I would look at my share and wonder if I could weed or dig it in one year. She ensured that I got the space next to her and several steps ahead she would start digging my space and her space! It was a relief that when I was lagging behind I could suddenly exclaim” my portion of the land has dug itself” and go back to rest.<br />
<br />
My mother has given me two more blood sisters; I am blessed to have them and I would not give up for anything in the world. There are many incidences of small gestures that I still recall from my blood sisters and feel very lucky to have them.
They are there for me in more ways than I can count! I am also blessed to have several brothers and as a result sisters-in-law. In addition, there are many sisters that my mother did not give birth to, but as I grow up I have met many friends, girls who have ended up being sisters to me in every way. I can recall from childhood, some girls who were there for me, and throughout my teenage and now adult life.
When I reflect on sisters that I have met along the way, I lack words to express just how lucky I am to have every one of them. Some of the sisters no longer hold the bond, but they were there for a time, for some season and left a mark in my life!
The interesting thing is that if I try to see what I share with them, I won’t find much. It is not age as some are many years older than me or many years younger than me; neither is it tribe, nor religion nor education status, nor... All we share is sisterhood! Those deep love, that is only reserved for sisters and makes us feel safe with each other.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
Today I celebrate all my sisters. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The sisters who have laughed with,</div>
</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And tickled me when I was not ready to laugh,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The sisters who have cried with me,</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;"> and listened without asking questions. </span></div>
<span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Sisters who have celebrated with me, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And given me a pat on the back even when I didn't think I deserved one, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Sisters who have listened to me, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And carried my burden to heart. </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Sisters who have challenged me to reach my full potential, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
and loved me with my imperfections. </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Sisters who have allowed me to say “I have messed again” </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And not judged me. </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Sisters who have supported me in thick and thin, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And reminded me they are there. </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Sisters who with a smile have used their resources, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Their time, their money, their emotions, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And never sent me ‘IOU’ note. </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I dedicate to all my special sisters, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Who have been in my life at one time or the other, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I pray I have been a good sister too... </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
At least sometimes!</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
For the sisters I have spent time with, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Or just chatted with,
For those I have met, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And for those I have not met physically; </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
The sisters that we have shared deep secrets, </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
May you be blessed in abundance! </div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I celebrate you!</div>
</span></blockquote>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-48997136235454205762013-09-07T16:18:00.002+03:002013-09-07T16:18:48.984+03:00Keep your cool and tame your daughter, she deserved it Dear Sir and madam,
This is to let you know that your daughter Stacy was slapped by a boy in class. Now before you start getting annoyed please listen to these facts. First the boy is also 7 years old, they are kind of the same age. In this case really we cannot say there is bullying or anything. If he had slapped a three year old we would have taken action but now that they are kind of age mates or rather they are in the same class then you see it is not bullying.
Secondly, your daughter asked for it. Relax I explain, she has not been behaving like a good girl. First let me define for you what a good girl does. A good girl doesn’t go into the boy’s turf, you see your girl is a ‘kiherehere’. The other day we had an argument in class and instead of her shutting up she was there making her point, in front of the boys imagine!
A good girl keeps her cool and just smiles! Yes just smile and be a good girl that’s all. However you Stacy has been doing the opposite. When we ask for a class monitor, she raised her hand! Surely we know that she should not have done that but haa she did; doesn’t she realize that leadership is for the boys? Now if she is in that turf she needs to be tamed lest she grows a big head.
On the other hand during the class debate she was seen to be assertive, you see aggressiveness is for boys so instead of being humble she kept insisting to be heard. You need to tame her.
On this last incidence I am just writing to explain since I understand she has complained about it; doesn’t she know she deserved it? I am not sure what caused this but I can guess she deserved. She must have done something to annoy this boy who is the head of the class. How could she do this?
Oh and the boy says he doesn’t remember, and I believe him, how can he remember such a minor issue?
I advise that she stops making a fuss over this, keep her cool and move on.
Yours head teacher,
Signed.
<i>
Reflections of a disturbed mind in the 21st century. No woman is safe until all women are safe, the house girl or the Member of Parliament, the beggar in the street or the nun in the convent. Nobody deserves to be violated, and sorting misunderstandings cannot be done physically. Adults talk, walk out, disagree, convince, but violence is a no no. As we debate the occurrences in Nairobi Hon Rachel Shebesh slapped (or is it alleged – politically correctness) by *Hon Evans Kidero, what are we telling the girls and boys growing up?? There is something degrading about a slap on the face! It speaks volumes about the person meting out the violence; regardless of their gender, age, political standing etc. Violence is about the perpetrator not of the survivor. How the society handles the issue determines the impunity with which it can be repeated; or as we say in Kenya ‘uta-do’
Sophie Ngugi September 2013</i>
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1993277957799275993.post-62994527275786258942013-08-26T09:14:00.000+03:002013-08-26T09:14:26.640+03:00‘Life skills for life’ as small acts count for life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqvN0qRMnr260-FRi2SUEoYjzOOx7Oi3k_mkSomO4g3uHukDiQVIaIdMhOqCRCaM9mYX7DRbjvLSl6t_CPLGnrxzUVVYjolEaNYcfOvcyKGqiOijW7sHPJRrVhlGMRkQte4qhn7kuA7oc/s1600/aa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqvN0qRMnr260-FRi2SUEoYjzOOx7Oi3k_mkSomO4g3uHukDiQVIaIdMhOqCRCaM9mYX7DRbjvLSl6t_CPLGnrxzUVVYjolEaNYcfOvcyKGqiOijW7sHPJRrVhlGMRkQte4qhn7kuA7oc/s400/aa.jpg" /></a></div>Last week I had an interesting experience together with my colleagues as we visited some groups that are undergoing trainings in Mugwo Payam of Yei River County of South Sudan. Women for Women International (WfWI) works with socially excluded women affected by conflict and civil strife. The program empowers women through trainings and provision of resources in order to enable them sustain an income as well as get knowledge on key life issues around health, decision making and social networks. On this particular day we were accompanied by the WfWI Vice President Programs – Julianna - who had visited the South Sudan program, the Country Director - Lizy - among others.
On the way we decided to enter the local market to buy a few fresh products as well as experience the local market. That is where an interesting incidence happened. We knew what we wanted to purchase and top on the list were pineapples, avocadoes, greens – items we know very well. As it is the case in many African countries majority of the sellers in the market were women. This is where we met an older woman who was selling some product that I have never seen and none of us really noticed it.
This lady who I will call Joy since she seemed to radiate a lot of joy started gesturing towards us to buy her product. We have no idea what is this so why bother? But she insisted and started showing us how the product is eaten. She hurriedly started cracking it open with her teeth and this caught our attention and we stopped. She continued ‘talking to us’ but really none of us knew the language so we could not hear her but we ‘listened’ understood! She wanted us so much to buy her product and realized we may not have prior knowledge of this item but language was not going to be a barrier.
Soon a crowd of other women in the market gathered around as she went on to gesture, speak and act to show us what the product was like inside when she broke it and started eating it. We were really touched by this as other women in the market watched amused and there was quite a bit of chatter. I made up my mind; I was going to buy this item that was costing 1 South Sudanese pound regardless of what it was. My colleague Lizy had been in process of buying some green vegetables from the neighbor to Joy when she (Joy) stopped us. Lizy had selected what she wanted to buy and wanted green vegetables worth 2 SSP. The least denomination I had was only 2 SSP and 1SSP had go to Joy and the least that Lizy had was 10 SSP.
Joy’s neighbor a much younger woman had no balance to give us neither did she have a paper bag to pack for us the greens, but she was at the market. She did not make any efforts of looking for lose money or paper bag but it was more of “if you have lose money and paper bag you can buy my products, otherwise too bad” attitude. At first we thought we would then buy greens worth 1SSP.
But guess what! Joy had several paper bags and after packing for me the ‘Joy-Fruits’ (Oh up to now I am not sure if they are fruits, or roots or legumes or…) she had bigger papers. Lizy commented “this woman is so organized” and quickly came with an idea; she would give Joy the 10 SSP and ‘buy’ a paper bag and the ‘Joy-Fruits’ from her then she can give the neighbor the 2SSP later on. That meant she would have 7SSP (about 2USD) as ‘courtesy cash’ for one old paper bag. A certain lady rushed to ‘save the situation’ since she could speak English thinking we were taking advantage of Joy in taking her paper bag to buy products from the neighbor. But somehow Joy already understood this transaction and she was beaming and said ‘Asante…thank you’ but those were the only Kiswahili and English words she knew.
We left the market awed and we are not likely to forget Joy any time soon. I know if I go to that location I will want to go to the market again and seek her out and see what she has to sell to me.
Small acts matter a lot. The life skills that one has as they engage in business may make a difference between them getting profits or not. I will not excuse the other lady to culture etc. since they were obviously living in the same locality hence likelihood of similar socialization but Joy had discovered that business is about small acts that will enable a customer to come back.
I hope that incidence gave the other women who gathered around some food for thought.
sophia Ngugihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535023415183321389noreply@blogger.com0